End of Summer
by Spinestalker
Summary: Trying to understand who you really are is never easy, trying to get others to understand is even more difficult. Roxas centric. AkuRoku. High School AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** End of Summer  
**Author:** Slytherinette  
**Disclaimer:**I don't own Kingdom Hearts , but I wish I did..  
**Rating:** M – NC 17  
**Warnings:** Gayness, probably drug use, language, a serious story, and sexual situations  
**Summary:** He never knew how lost he was until he let Axel lead. AU AkuRoku

Thanks to NT/westside for the help with this!

**Chapter 1**

Despite the hype, the dramatization and clichés, there was absolutely nothing remarkable about high school. It was like a movie he had been told was "oh my god, the best ever" only to find out it was just the same old rehashed plot with a new cast. He had been nervous at first, he had heard horror stories about what seniors did to freshmen, but most seemed to leave him alone. It had progressed like every first day he had ever had, same tedious tasks restarted in a new setting. Learning schedules, classes, what teacher let you get away with what. He got up that morning, went to school, had lunch. He would go on to more classes afterwards, then to home, sleep, rinse, repeat. Even lunch was the exact same as every school lunch he had ever had. There was nothing to be happy about eating the same thing every Monday since first grade.

School would teach him nothing new. World War I came before World War II Walt Disney would always be the founder of the Kingdom of Disneyland, and Mickey was still king.

His friends kept a cheerful tone. Hayner, Olette and Pence had been talking nonstop about whatever they found appalling, fascinating or bizarre. Out of the small group of people Roxas bothered to talk to, he alone seemed to be the only one who was unaffected by this "new step."

"At least we have English together before lunch," Olette told Roxas, who had somehow managed to not score a single other class with anyone he like.

Roxas shrugged, stabbing his green gelatin with a fork. "Yeah, it sucks." He agreed.

"Roxas had to go and be a geek and get put in hard math and science classes." Hayner teased. "So you got any classes with Na-mi-né?"

"I don't know, none yet." He replied, uninterested. Despite Hayner's teasing he really wasn't interested in her. She was nice but…

"I feel bad she didn't make it far in cheerleading tryouts. She just didn't yell loud enough." Olette explained. "She would have been so cute, and you would have been dating a cheerleader." She winked at him.

Roxas sighed deeply, "We aren't dating…"

"Not YET, though. Anyways, I think I did okay this weekend. Won't find out until tomorrow who made it or not. If I don't I'll be disappointed, but even so, I refuse to become a cheer-wanna-lead."

"Yeah, I know." Hayner agreed, "It sucks I wasn't able to try out for the football team because I sprained my ankle, but I'm not going to follow them like a lost puppy. I'll just wait till next spring and try again."

Roxas tuned them out, having no interest in cheerleading or football, he turned his attention to the room around them. The school was only 30 classrooms big with hardly 500 students. Even then, it was all Roxas could do to fight the flow of people going one way when he needed to go another so whoever thought it would be a good idea to get all 500 students have lunch at the same time had to have been on something. The room was crowded and the line impossibly long.

The upper classmen already had a well developed clique system. A few freshmen had already made their way into the various groups offered, buts most the freshmen were scattered about, some awkwardly sitting close to people they hoped to clique with. The center of the lunch room was made predominately of teenagers wearing brand-name pseudo-grunge, any of whom Roxas only barely recognized. There were a few "geek" groups, one was huddled around a laptop, laughing at whatever was on the screen and another group had one guy waving _Brethren of the Bracelet_ in the face of another. To the far opposite wall was a different kind of group. The "Goths" as Hayner would refer to them. Most were in black and most had unrealistic colors of hair.

He turned his attention back to the tray before him. He wished Sora were still home. He had came in for the summer and has provided Roxas ample distraction but now he was back off to a school hundreds of miles away with a promise to come back for Christmas break. He doubted he would, though. Sora had a fight with their mother the day before he left, it left their mother in tears. Sora hated this island and only came back for Roxas. When Roxas left it, Sora told him, he wouldn't think about this place twice.

Destiny Island wasn't exactly a tropical island, or even a temperate. The days were moderate during the summer, he had been able to get away without a jacket, but the bulk of August was quickly passing and what little not so frigid days they had would be gone in just a few weeks. He was used to it, however, having lived no where else in his life. He had gone on vacation to a tropical area when he was younger with his family, but he had nearly melted before he could have any fun. He wasn't looking forward to the long dark days of winter coming though.

"Hey, Roxas," came a soft voice. He jumped from his thoughts, his head snapping to the right.

"Hey, Naminé," he said, sitting up nervously as she slipped into the seat beside him.

"I haven't gotten the chance to talk to you yet," she said, her voice soft and sweet, "and I didn't hear from you all summer."

"Ah, yeah. Sora came home, so I stayed pretty busy with him." Though, arguably, he wasn't too busy to call her. He felt a bit guilty when she took his excuse without question and gave him a sweet smile.

"Oh, that's good. I'm glad you got to see him; I know how much you missed him when he went to school. How is he?"

"Good." He said. She looked like she wanted him to elaborate but when he didn't she just shook her head.

"Maybe we could get together sometime this week… after school?"

"Yeah, okay." He nodded, trying to sound excited. He should be. Naminé was the type of girl any guy would kill to have. She was sweet, and she really liked Roxas. Roxas wasn't stupid, he could tell, even before his friends decided to try to push him into a relationship with her. He had tried, really tried to like Naminé, and he did. He really did like her, but he wasn't sure if he liked her they way she wanted him to.

She smiled sweetly at him and he gave a grin back. "Okay, well... I'll see you later then. Maybe we'll have a class together or something." He nodded. He watched her walk over to her group of friends, an empty expression on his face.

Then a hand slapped him on the back of his head.

"You moron." Hayner exclaimed, "She's so got the hots for you! 'Lets get together sometime' " he mimicked a soft feminine voice, "and all you say is 'yeah, okay.' God, I have no idea why I waste my time on you."

Olette at least looked sympathetic. "Naminé really likes you, you'd be cute together."

"She is really pretty, and really sweet." Pence supplied helpfully.

"You need someone, you know?" Olette said as if she really did know, looking at him as if she could feel pain Roxas didn't.

No, he didn't, but he couldn't explain that to them. They didn't seem to get it, but why should they? Roxas didn't get it anymore then they did. He heaved a heavy sigh and stood up. "I'll be right back." He declared, moving to the door before they could stop him. He wanted to get out of this place, he needed to breathe, to think and be away from friends who were only trying to do what was best for him.

The lunch room was separate from the rest of the high school, so instead of going on into the school he made a left to go around the back of the building to hide. If anyone came looking for him they wouldn't think to look there.

He leaned back against the wall, his eyes closing as he drowned in the silence. God, but he would give anything to be with Sora, right now, far away from this island.

He let his mind shut down for a moment, thinking nothing, listing to his breathing. He didn't want to think about his friends or Naminé, just… not think at all. It was easier then trying to wrap his mind around his emotions or lack there of. He felt alone, even in a room full of people, surrounded by people who really cared about him.

It was a paradox. He didn't want to be alone, yet, at the same time he didn't want anyone around.

Roxas was forced away from his thoughts by a deep voice and a sharp flick to his forehead. "Oi, you asleep or somethin'?"

His eyes shot open, surprised at first, then annoyed. He lifted his hand, rubbing his forehead where it was flipped. "Excuse me," he grumbled, moving away to salvage what personal space he could gain.

Roxas knew who Axel was. He was only one grade his senior, and being that it was such a small island all the kids went to the same school. He couldn't say that he had ever spoken to Axel before, but it was hard not to notice that insane red hair.

"Sorry," he snorted, "thought you might be dead." He leaned against the wall, reaching into his pocket to pull out a pack of cigarettes. Roxas only rolled his eyes and resumed his own position and claiming a small part of the wall for himself. He was unwilling to be run off by an uninvited guest and was even more unwilling to face his friends.

"Roxas, right?" The other teen asked as he lit up his cigarette. Roxas was a bit surprised he knew his name but shouldn't have been. After all, Roxas knew Axel's.

"Yeah… Axel, right?"

"The one and only," he said, throwing out his hands in a flashy move, a grin on his face.

The two of them slipped into comfortable silence. Axel nursing his cigarette and Roxas just standing. It wasn't completely comfortable but Roxas was appreciative of the quiet. It gave him time to clear his head.

Axel thrust his cigarettes in Roxas's face, causing him to pull back a little in surprise. "Cigarette?" he offered.

"No thanks."

"Smart choice. Wish I had never picked them up. Fucking expensive," he griped.

Roxas asked the obvious. "Then why don't you quit?"

Axel looked at him, his eyes sparkling and a smirk came to his face. "What? And ruin my bad boy image?"

Roxas found himself looking over Axel's attire. He did fit the bad boy image, maybe. He seemed fond of black, belt buckles, and chains. With the tattoos under his eyes he was surprised they didn't expel him. "I don't know. You seem to fit it well enough without having to get lung cancer."

Axel barked out a laugh, a puff of smoke blowing from his lungs. "What about you? You don't seem the goody two-shoes type." He mused, his eyes running over what Roxas's sloppy clothes.

Roxas looked down at what he was wearing. Over sized jeans and an old faded blue t-shirt, both hand-me-downs from Sora. Most kids went to the mainland to get new clothes, and while Sora would have taken him, he didn't really think he needed new clothes. He shrugged in response to Axel. "I'm not."

Axel smirked again. "Good, I'd hate to have to hate you on your first day of hell school."

Roxas didn't say anything in response and occupied himself with toeing a rock.

"If you don't smoke cigarettes, I have something much more interesting to smoke." Roxas looked over at him in surprise. It took him a second to figure out what he meant. He frowned. He had the distinct impression Axel was trying to impress him.

"You're gonna get into trouble, you know that?"

He shrugged, "You gonna tell on me?" Now he was baiting him.

"No, I'm just saying that you are gonna get caught and get in trouble."

Axel smiled, "Maybe, but I don't care. I'm not interested in playing good guy." He waved his hand nonchalantly. "Besides, you haven't said anything that I haven't been told a hundred times."

Roxas supposed that was true. People like Axel knew that what they were doing was wrong and didn't care. He just shrugged and pushed away from the wall to head back to the school. Lunch would be over soon and his friends would be looking for him. "Your lungs, I guess."

As he was walking past Axel, a long arm reached out, wrapping around his shoulders to stop him. Axel bent down and let out a long blow of smoke in Roxas's face. Roxas instinctively flinched back, knowing how vile the cigarettes his mother smoked were and expecting the same harsh smell. Axel's wasn't as strong and was a bit sweeter. "You should try being bad, sometime, Roxas. I think you would be good at it."

Roxas only blinked the smoke out of his eyes at him before continuing on his way.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** End of Summer  
**Author:** Slytherinette  
**Disclaimer: **If I owned them, Kingdom Hearts would have a much higher ESRB rating, So no, not mine  
**Rating: **_**M**_ capitalized, italicized, bolded and underlined for a reason!  
**Warnings:** Sexy boys make out with each other! Teenage Angst, high school fic…. Character death…  
**Summary:** With an alcoholic mother, his brother off to college and friends who didn't understand, this island was more like a prison. Without a drive or interest in anything, he had no idea how lost he was. Then he met Axel. AkuRoku . Betad by Aurons Fan and Kaiamara!

**_CHAPTER 2_**

Football just wasn't the type of thing Roxas had ever been able to get into. Sora used to always go to the games, he remembered. "It's for socializing," Sora had told him, "although the game means a lot to the players and the cheerleaders, so I guess I go to support them, too, ya know?"

He and the entire island. It seemed Friday nights, come rain or shine, the small town on the small island shut down to attend the high school football game. Albeit, there wasn't exactly a lot to do on Fridays, but go to the game if you didn't want to make the trip by ferry to the mainland (and the ferry didn't run after 10.) Whatever the high school was doing usually proved to be the one and only source of entertainment on this secluded rock in the middle of the ocean and on Friday's during the fall, it was football.

He shoved his gloved hands deep in his coat pockets and questioned once again why he came. It was the first game of the season, and even though it was only late August, it was already freezing. As soon as the sun had escaped beyond the horizon, a bone cold chill settled in that left the spectators buried under blankets and in their coats. Roxas shrugged his shoulders up so the collar of his coat went over his mouth and breathed hot hair into his jacket to try and warm up the air inside. Hayner and Pence seemed unbothered. They were the ones who were big into sports so it was their fault Roxas was freezing his ass off. They had dragged him along, citing it being the "cool" – Roxas thought it was more apt to using the word frigid – thing to do, not that Hayner was actually watching the game.

"You know, I have never appreciated cheerleaders more then I do right now," Hayner said, his eyes roving over the perky girls bouncing in front of them. Roxas spared them a look, but only really paid attention to Olette. She was also the reason he had came. To her glee, she had made the cheerleading squad, and she was delighting in it, even though Roxas knew she had to be freezing her ass off in that short skirt. Cheerleading was something else he didn't get, but to each their own. Olette had been his friend even before Hayner, and she was truly treasured to him, so if that was what she wanted to do, Roxas supported her.

Silently in a broody _I really don't want to be here and I can't feel my nose _way

"You know, Selphie has some really nice legs," Hayner mused aloud, starring at said appendages of the head cheerleader. Roxas only rolled his eyes in response.

"What?" Hayner defended. "They are cheerleaders; they expect horny teenagers to leer at them."

He shot Hayner a noncommittal look before he shook his head without comment. High School was turning Hayner into a girl crazed freak. He turned his gaze back to the players on the field when Pence, and the rest of the crowd, jumped up and started screaming: "Go! Go, get him!" Hayner joined in, even though he hadn't paid much attention to what was going on five seconds ago. Roxas, however, refused to budge. He had finally gotten the concrete he was sitting on warm enough to not cause frostbite and was unwilling to let any heat escape to cheer for something he didn't even care the outcome of. They settled down when the other team's running back was tackled just a few yards from the goal line.

"We suck." The head cheerleader who Hayner had been lecherously watching a moment ago said. "We haven't been able to win anything since Tidus ..." She paused, a sad look crossing her face followed by a defeated sigh.

"Well, maybe we will win a game this year," one of the other girls said, patting Selphie's shoulder, but she didn't seem to perk up past the forced smile she gave.

Tidus. It had been almost two years now, but the name was still fresh to everyone within ear shot, whether they had been close to Tidus or knew someone who was. The entire island had showed up at the Zanarkand house to pay their respects to Tidus's memory and to his family.

He had been the island's star football player. He made the All Star High School Football team his junior year and ran nearly 1,500 yards in one season – something Sora had insisted was really impressive for a high school running back. Sora was always bragging about him, and the town always joked they two of them were attached at the hip. He had been devastated when Tidus was killed.

Roxas never knew all the details just that a little girl had fallen into the water along the north side of the beach, where the waves had carved caves in the cliffs. That was where the tide was strongest and it was December so the water was so cold it didn't take long for hypothermia to set in. The little girl had been instantly swept under and Tidus had gone in after her. After heaving the girl to Wakka, who was on the rocks waiting, he was swept under by the tide. They never found his body, and Sora had confessed to him once that he was glad they didn't. "I don't want to see him dead," he had said. "I never want to see him not alive…"

Tidus was a hero, they had said, and was rightly honored as one, but Sora had been angry at him and at himself.

"I hate that he had to give up his life to save someone else. I would throw that little girl to Poseidon right now if it would bring him back… and I hate myself for it. And I know that Tidus would hate me, too."

More then anything, Roxas truly believed, that was why Sora wanted to leave this island.

The cheerleaders broke formation and Selphie moved to her bag. Selphie had been close to Sora and Tidus, even though she was two years younger. Sora had been disappointed that she was out of town all summer on vacation and he didn't get to see her.

She bent over to rummage for something and Hayner nearly fell over as he tried to crane his neck to look. Roxas snorted and nudged Hayner hard, causing his friend to jump

"Hey guys!" Olette bounced over, a bottle of water in her hands. She was flushed and sweaty from cheering despite the cold air. "How was I?"

"Good, I guess," Hayner commented indifferently. Olette looked offended and for a second Roxas thought she would hit Hayner but Pence quickly spoke up, distracting her.

"You were great. Very bouncy."

"Yeah, very bouncy," Hayner nodded quickly.

Roxas shook his head before he spoke up. "You were great, Olette. You make a great cheerleader." He said sincerely, although admittedly he hadn't been paying attention either.

She perked up at his praise and smiled brightly at him before shooting Hayner a glare.

"Hello, Roxas," came a familiar soft voice. He looked up over to see Naminé standing there, smiling softly at him. She was wearing a blue jacket Roxas recognized immediately as Olette's. She had her hands retracted into the sleeves and close to her face where she was blowing in them to warm them with her breath. She was wearing a skirt and looked positively frozen.

Olette seemed twice as bouncy now that Naminé had come over to talk to Roxas. She looked back and forth between the two of them happily, but it only lasted a moment before Selphie called the squad together. She smiled encouragingly at Naminé before moving back into formation.

"Aren't you freezing," Hayner asked dumbly when Naminé gave an all over shiver, her teeth clattering loudly. Roxas resisted the urge to reach over and slap his friend.

She nodded, her flushed face turning a bit redder. "Yeah, I didn't take into consideration how cold it would be when the sun went down. It's only August."

"That's right, you only just moved here January," Pence noted, "it gets cold really fast here."

She nodded, embarrassed. "I can see. Where I'm from it may start to chill around November but it's never this cold. I had to borrow this from Olette."

Roxas felt bad for her. He had lived here his entire life and still never got used to how cold it could get within a few minutes of sundown. Unsure of what to do he shifted a little pulling out his hands and then pulled off his gloves to offer to her.

She looked shocked for a second then ducked her head, hiding a bit from view. "Oh no, I couldn't. It's my own fault for not bringing my own…"

"No, it's okay," he assured her, "I at least have pants on."

She looked down at her cold white legs and nodded, gratefully taking the proffered gloves. "Thank you." He gave her a soft smile. A nudge from Hayner made him look over and both he and Pence were looking at him, twin grins of their faces. A horrible feeling of unease started to build up in Roxas's stomach and panic rose in him. He hadn't thought about his offering being taken in the wrong way. She just looked cold, and he could live without gloves for the time.

He shifted a bit when she sat down, feeling trapped between Hayner and Naminé. He shoved his now bare hands back into his pockets and tried to ignore the fact Naminé was sitting so close he could feel what little body heat she had left. It made him feel more then uncomfortable and he had to fight the rise of panic welling up in his chest.

He was being stupid, he knew. It was just a kind gesture. It meant nothing. He glanced with his peripheral vision to see Naminé glance over at him, blush crimson, then look away.

Nothing to him anyways.

He stood up so suddenly that both Hayner and Naminé were startled. He had to get out of here, had to move lest claustrophobia eat away his sanity.

"I'll be right back." He managed before he took off towards the concession stand without looking back.

He hadn't meant to come across the wrong way. He didn't want to lead Naminé on. She was so great, she so deserved someone who really liked her, not someone who panicked at the mere thought of touching her. His friends were misreading it as nervousness, but they were totally misinterpreting his anxiety.

He turned before he got to the crowded concession stand, heading towards the parking lot. He would hide for a bit, calm down and gather his thoughts before going back. It would do him no good to flip out for no logical reason.

Maybe he was just over reacting. Roxas didn't exactly have a history of relationships. In fact, beyond a weird thing with Olette in 4th grade (if you could even call holding hands because you wanted to be cool a thing) he hadn't ever been interested in anyone. He had too much stuff going on at home to worry about girls.

He stopped just inside the edge of the woods that lined the parking lot and leaned against a tree. Maybe his friends were right; maybe he was just nervous. If he gave her a chance, he could learn to like her; he was sure… maybe… She was so nice. She would make a great patient, attentive girlfriend who would bake him cookies and bring him lunch.

He sighed. But he didn't want that. His interest in her didn't extend beyond friendship. When ever he started to think about her thinking about him like, looking at him, blushing, crushing on him, he freaked and felt trapped.

He had never seen his brother act like this around girls. Sora was such a people person, though. He was friends with everyone and it came so naturally to him. He envied Sora, so much. He envied his brother's relaxed, carefree nature, how he made friends with ease, and, most of all, how he got to leave.

Maybe he would call and talk to Sora when he got home, though it would be late. The game would likely end close to 11, and by the time he got to call Sora, it would be almost 3 am where Sora was. Tomorrow then, he would talk to Sora tomorrow.

"We have got to stop meeting like this." Roxas opened his eyes to see a familiar head of bright red hair. Axel was standing there, hands in his pockets as he watched Roxas curiously. He wasn't wearing a jacket and looked like he should be cold, but apparently wasn't too bothered by the weather.

He shifted against the tree he was leaning on, frowning. "You don't strike me as a football fan."

"You don't either." He commented, moving to lean on a tree across from Roxas.

Roxas just shrugged. "I'm not."

"Me neither."

Roxas fell silent for a moment, trying to tame the wild butterflies that had migrated to his stomach. He didn't know why, but Axel made him nervous. Maybe it was because he knew Axel's type, or at least he thought he did. Bad boy who smoked, skipped school, did what he wanted when he wanted. Roxas envied that.

"Then why did you come?" he finally asked.

Axel lifted his eyebrows. "Why did you come?" he countered.

Roxas shoved his hands deeper into his pockets, fisting them, shrugging again, casually, as he was fighting the urge to fidget. "My friends wanted to go, and I have a friend that made the cheerleading team."

He took a step closer to Roxas and lifted his eyebrows suggestively, "Friend, huh?"

"Friend," he reiterated.

"Good friend?"

"I guess," he answered, not sure where Axel was taking this.

"Close friend?" Axel asked. Roxas didn't answer Axel pressed on, a lecherous and teasing grin on his face. "Fuck buddy?"

Roxas rolled his eyes. "No," he said firmly.

"Is she a wanna-be fuck buddy?" He suggested, standing only a foot from him now.

Roxas shook his head, a bit annoyed, and Axel chucked before inching just a bit closer. The butterflies in Roxas's stomach revolted and his breath became hard to take in.

"Do you have any concept of personal space?" he asked Axel, but the words came out weaker then he had intended.

"Nope, not really," the other shrugged, pulling out a pack of cigarettes to fish one out. "Want one?"

He shifted, feeling uncomfortable as how close Axel was. "I don't smoke." It was making his nerves stand on end and his heart beat fast. The confusion he felt with the Naminé thing was still fogging his brain and was causing him to lose ability to think.

"Oh, yeah! That's right!" He lit one up then blew the sweet smoke in Roxas's face. "Guess I couldn't try to be a bad influence and get you to try and start, could I?" He was grinning again, his face hardly half a foot away from Roxas's own. Unable to help himself, he felt his face heat up and his belly did acrobatics. Axel was teasing him and it was making him feel strangely light headed.

He licked his lips nervously then leaned his head back against the tree, putting some distance between them, even though he only gained an inch. His breath was ragged and the cold air seemed to burn his heated lungs. "Maybe." His voice came out a bit more raspy then intended.

He watched Axel take a long drag on the butt, his eyes locked on his lips, even after the cigarette was pulled away. He watched the smoke curl out of his lips and nose in a slow and steady stream before he trailed his eyes up his face to look at his usual green eyes. Axel's eyes glanced down to Roxas's lips with a thoughtful look on his face before they trailed up his face. Roxas became very aware that it was not nearly as cold now as it was a moment ago.

Roxas couldn't possibly explain what he was feeling. Overwhelmed by how fast it had hit him he could do nothing but stand there, looking at Axel like a deer caught in a car's headlights. Each breath was becoming labored and deep as he fought for control of his mind and body as raw hormones seized control. He didn't notice when he reached up, grabbing Axel's elbows, but he was aware of the internal struggle to push him away or pull him closer.

It would hardly take four inches to close the gap. Hardly a second would be needed at that distance. Axel was a bit taller then he was, but he was bending down far enough that Roxas could reach him if he wanted… and, irrationally – he knew it was irrational-, he really wanted to.

He was attracted to Axel. Not just attracted, he was turned on by standing so close to the other teen. To his credit, he had never felt this way, so the poor boy couldn't have known what was going to happen. By the time Roxas was aware of what was going on, it was to late.

Axel's eyes glanced down to Roxas's lips and Roxas, unable to help himself, leaned forward just an inch. That seemed to be all the incentive Axel needed to close the gap, crushing their lips together in a hard and bruising kiss. Roxas gave in instantly, his hand reaching up to dig in red hair as he was pressed against the tree so hard he could feel the bark though his coat.

There was a voice in his mind that was screaming that this was wrong, but when he felt Axel's cold hands at the base of his back, he shivered in delight and pressed harder against him. He parted his lips and neither wasted time to deepen the kiss.

The kiss wasn't as awkward as first kisses should be, however Axel was a bit more experienced and easily dominated the kiss and Roxas greedily let him. It was deep, sensual and sexual. Dear God, but they were having sex with their mouths.

It was wrong, so wrong, he was sure, but at that moment, he didn't care because all rational thought escaped Roxas as Axel's tongue slid against his. He didn't know Axel, hadn't shared anything more then chitchat and banter with him. To top it off, Axel was a guy, the evidence of such was pressing against his stomach, slowly starting to harden, but all it did was make Roxas's own desire grow.

He tasted like the sweet cigarettes and something spicy and it made Roxas make a small noise of desperation. The heat of their kiss was a stark contrast to the cold air and it ran like lava though his veins. Every motion of Axel's tongue inspired a pulse from other parts of his body. He licked and nipped at Roxas's lips in a needy manor and the blond gave a sharp intake of breath, pressing as hard as he could against Axel. One of them groaned, a low deep sound that it made Roxas gasp as the vibrations ripped though his body and toss his head back. Axel dipped his head, kissing hot fire along his jaw. He fumbled with the collar's buttons, but finally ripped the jacket open then pushed it back to expose Roxas's neck. Roxas groaned deeply, tilting his head to expose his neck to Axel's ministrations. He breathed in the night air in short gasps and tightened his hold on the red hair.

Axel shifted his leg to press between Roxas's legs. Roxas's mind went dangerously blank as he pressed against it, grinding his arousal against the other boy. With a low groan that rocked Roxas to his core, Axel returned the motion, pressing his crotch against Roxas's hip.

Then a car started in the background, the sound reminding him of just where they were and what they were doing. He froze, blinking as he tried to force the fog in his mind away, but Axel was still rubbing against him. He had a hard time forming coherent thoughts.

"Sto-," as if Axel knew what he was going to say he pressed their lips together again to silence him. Roxas whimpered, almost giving into the kiss, but with all the willpower he possessed pushed on Axel's shoulders, forcing the kiss to brake. "Stop." He said again, panting for breath.

Axel took ragged breaths as looked at him with a hungry look that made Roxas whimper and the heat between his legs double. Roxas looked at his lips, licking his own again, unable to help the small thrust he gave against Axel's leg. Axel moved back in, kissing the other deeply again. He shifted again, this time placing Roxas's legs on either side of his before lifting him up and pinning him to the tree. Roxas reflexively wrapped his legs around Axel's hips and arms hugging his neck.

Then Axel thrust forward, hard aching crotch against hard aching crotch, and both of them let out a deep breathy moan. Roxas broke the kiss, murmuring something about God and Axel countered with an expletive of his own. Axel started a slow hard rhythm and Roxas did his best to move back, considering his position.

It felt so good, so amazingly fucking good. He tossed his head back, Axel burying his face in Roxas's neck as they grinded against each other. He was so lost in his purple haze of pleasure he couldn't think of anything but the feeling of Axel's arousal against his own. There was something about it that made his body burn, knowing that Axel was getting off on him was making his own pleasure intensify. The idea that he was doing this with another guy was enough to almost make him come right then. Someone could see them, at any moment someone could walk up and see them dry humping each other… Oh but what they would see. But no – no one would see, no one had to ever know…

But he would know, oh fuck but be he would know. He shook his head. "Stop!" he demanded. They had to stop, this was wrong, what if someone saw them. His struggles caused Axel to loose his grip and Roxas landed on his own feet. He wobbled a moment as his own legs rebelled against supporting him, and his body screamed at him to resume what he had just been doing but with all his strength, external and internal, pushed Axel away, breaking all contact. Before he could stop him, he stumbled away, quickly heading towards the parking lot and out of the safety of the woods but away from Axel.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** End of Summer  
**Author:** Slytherinette  
**Disclaimer: **If I owned them, Kingdom Hearts would have a much higher ESRB rating, so no, not mine  
**Rating: **m  
**Warnings:** Sexy boys play with each other and their sexualities! Teenage Angst, high school fic… Not beta'd, but that's not too bad of a warning  
**Summary:** Roxas had no drive or interest in anything. He had no idea how lost he was until he met Axel. AkuRoku.

**Chapter 3**

His mind and heart were racing and he felt like he was swimming through a surreal world as he weaved his way through the cars. He mindlessly walked until he finally stumbled against a van. He took the opportunity to stop and lean against the vehicle and gasp for breath. He tried to clam his mind, heart and breathing as he ran his hands over his face.

What the hell was he doing? What had he been thinking? He hadn't been thinking. He was just making out with a guy!

He leaned his head back, resting it against the window as he panted, trying to gain more control over his body. It made his throat raw and his chest hurt, but at least brought attention to something other than the throbbing between his legs. He turned, leaning his forehead against the window. He was burning up and the cool of the window on his skin was blissful.

It was a mistake, and the pulsing in his pants was just a reaction to the moment and…

He shook his head, not wanting to think about how he could still taste Axel on his lips or how his neck felt cold without Axel's mouth kissing the skin. He pulled back, looking at his reflection in the glass, the light casting on it just enough that he could make out his red face and puffy lips. Unable to resist himself, he licked them as if it would sooth the swelling, but just brought back the memory of Axel's own hot soft tongue licking them.

He ran his hand over his face in shock. Everything had moved excessively fast, and his reasoning hadn't been able to catch up. Had he not stopped when he did, he wouldn't have had any problem with Axel screwing him into the tree. Even now that he was no longer lost in the passion, the idea of it gave the ache in his pants a new edge.

After what felt like forever, he managed to gain some semblance of composure. He fanned the front of his jacket to cool off as he looked over his reflection again. If he went back to his friends looking like this, they would know what he had been doing. They would hate him and be disgusted with him. The whole town would know, his mother would know, his brother would find out, they would disown him!

No, no. They wouldn't find out. Surely, Axel wouldn't tell anyone he just pinned another boy to a tree and shoved his tongue down his throat. Even if he did, Roxas would deny it, or he would say Axel forced him. Even though the idea of having to lie made a lump constrict his throat, he was confident Axel wouldn't say anything. He couldn't be that stupid. Roxas would just pretend like it didn't happen. He would avoid Axel and go on with his life.

His eyes trailed down his face to the patch of skin on his neck that Axel was occupied with only a moment ago and he froze, blinking in surprise, then moved closer to the reflection, pulling back the collar to look at the base of his neck. There was a dark purple splotchy spot that made Roxas panic.

A hickey! That basterd had given him a hickey!

Feeling frustration well up in him, he buttoned his coat all the way up to the collar to hide the mark then started his way back to his friends. He shrugged his shoulders up to lift the collar up to his nose like he had before, but this time it was to hide as much as he could from his friends. His lips were still pink and swollen, though the flush of his face and the pain in his pants had subsided.

Naminé was still sitting with to Hayner and Pence. Hayner, finally watching the game, was standing up, yelling something at who ever was running the ball. Great amounts of dread started to eat at his stomach and by the time he reached his friends, he felt like he might throw up from nerves. Naminé turned her head, brightening up when she spotted him he felt his stomach lurch.

"There you are," she smiled.

Hayner turned to him. "Where the hell have you been? We thought you got lost."

Roxas shifted, shrugging as casually as he could. "Was talking to someone." Hayner gave him a scrutinizing look, and for an agonizing second he was sure he knew everything, but his friend just turned back to the game when the crowd started yelling.

He sat down on the cold cement, making sure there was at least a foot between him and Naminé. They didn't know, they wouldn't know. Roxas wasn't going to tell them…

"Oi, twerp." They all looked up as a tall blond strolled up to them. Roxas recognized him instantly as Hayner's brother. He was dressed in loose black jeans, a band screened tee flashed from under an unbuttoned black coat. He looked as though he were bored and slightly disgusted with the idea of being at a football game. Hayner made an unhappy noise at seeing him. He was, what Hayner called, a goth-emo sub human freak.

Needless to say, they didn't get along very well.

"What the hell are you doing here, Demyx?"

"Mom sent me to pick you up," Demyx replied to Hayner, holding up a set of keys as if to prove the only way he would be caught dead in a place like this was under parental orders. "Now let's go."

Hayner frowned, looking at the score board. "But there is still another quarter."

"Yeah, but it's not like they are gonna win. They haven't won a game in two years. Let's go."

Hayner rolled his eyes at his brother then looked to Roxas and Pence. "I'll see you guys later."

"Later." Roxas said, watching him and his brother walk off. Demyx said something to Hayner that caused him to snarl at him. He couldn't imagine being like that with his brother, no mater how he dressed or what he listened to. He adored Sora. An old feeling of frustration at how Hayner treated his brother welled up, but he shook his head, pushing it away. He figured that Hayner would regret it one day. He was about to look away when Demyx's stopped, his attention turned to a quickly growing familiar red head. They said something to each other, laughing, and then something to Hayner, who looked annoyed, before the three of them walked on to the parking lot.

Oh, God. Axel was Demyx's friend! He felt a rush of panic over take him and his face heat up. What if he said something to him? What if Demyx told Hayner?

He stood up, looking to Pence and Naminé. "I'm gonna go ahead and head home, I'll see you guys at school," he said, wanting to get out as fast as he could.

Pence tilted his head. "How? You gonna walk? My mom will give you a ride."

"It's fine." Roxas said quickly, already moving way, "I walk it all the time."

"Okay, man. If you need me just let me know."

Roxas nodded, waved a casual goodbye before stalking to the parking lot just in time to see the tail lights of Hayner's mom's car pull out. He groaned in frustration before starting to the road. Maybe he would get home, call Hayner. No, no, that would seem suspicious. He should wait until tomorrow.

Act like nothing happened. It was easier. That way if Axel did say something, Roxas could deny it better.

As he walked past a tree, something in his peripheral vision caught his attention. He turned his head, his eyes locking with eyes too green to be natural and froze. His body tensed, and with a rush of adrenaline, all the thoughts Roxas had moments ago struggled so hard to push away came crashing back.

Axel stood there, leaning casually against a tree, lit cigarette in hand with his eyes on Roxas in interest. The blond felt his face heat up and his breath hitched. The way Axel was looking at him made his stomach churn, but not in an ill way. I made heat build up and his groin stir. He wanted to walk over and continue what they had been doing before. It was so much easier to damn these thoughts when Axel wasn't standing right there looking… sexy.

And Roxas really thought Axel was sexy. The way he was standing, leaning against the tree as though he owned the whole island just made him look cool. Axel screamed vanity and confidence and wore it like his tight black long sleeved t-shirt and loose pants that hung low on his hips. Roxas had the sudden mental image of reaching out, hooking his fingers in the belt hoops, and pulling him closer. He wanted to touch him, he wanted to kiss him, and he wanted Axel. He had never wanted anything so much in his life than he wanted him in that very moment.

Roxas watched with fascination as Axel pushed away from the tree and moved closer… closer… until he was only a foot step away.

With a deep blush, Roxas took interest in Axel's shirt, unable to bring himself to look at his face. He shivered, his hands fisting in his pockets. He really should walk away but he couldn't get his legs to move.

"Aren't you cold?" Roxas asked, needing to fill the silence and cover up the loud beating of his heart.

Axel shrugged a shoulder and cocked a smirk. He moved closer, bending down a little so his hot breath brushed across Roxas's cheek. "Why? You wanna warm me up?"

Roxas shivered again, stepping back. This was wrong. Axel was a guy! He turned, walking down the road away from Axel. "Not really," he murmured. It was a half lie, and if Roxas were honest with himself, deep down he really wanted Axel to stop him, pin him to a tree and kiss him till he forgot his name again. He ignored it, however, and kept walking, wanting to put distance between himself and the red head.

Axel wanted otherwise and quickly caught up with him easily enough to drape an arm over his shoulder. Before Roxas could shrug it off, Axel lowered his head, licking the helix of his ear. "Come on, you were doin' a good job of it only a bit ago."

Roxas ducked, wanting to get away from the arm and the licking tongue. He was uncomfortable. Not like Naminé made him uncomfortable, but like standing next to a furnace made you hot uncomfortable.

"I'm not interested," he insisted, shaking his head. He tried to make sense of the lack of sense his senses were making, but it was only making the fog heavier. He made a sharp turn to take the short cut through the woods to the main road that would take him home. He didn't want to walk through town. It would be another 10 minuets on his walk. He was already on the path when he realized he was now in dark woods with Axel, who was still following. He was still arrogantly grinning when he stepped in Roxas's path.

"I don't believe that."

Roxas looked at his face for the first time. How was he so cool about this? "I'm a guy, Axel. Male," he pointed out, "and, unless I was horribly mistaken, you are too."

Axel gave a fake gasp. "Really? No way! I hadn't noticed!"

Roxas huffed in anger and pushed pass him. "Let lost."

"Aw, come on Roxie, don't be like that." He wrapped his arm around Roxas's neck again, not letting him go far.

The nickname spurred instant irritation in him. He hated that name and always had. "Don't call me that," he snapped angrily, pushing Axel away.

"You know, you're cute when you get all pissy."

"Go to hell," he retorted, "I told you, get lost." Axel ignored his anger and pushed him against a tree. Roxas lifted his arms to push him back but Axel was steadfast and wedged his leg between Roxas's, pressing his thigh against his crotch. Roxas let out a groan, his body well aware of Axel's proximity. He finally stopped struggling when Axel started to move his leg.

"I'm not a fag," he growled hatefully turning his flushing face away. Sora had always told him not to use derogatory words like that, so the word left a bitter feeling in the back of his throat.

"Could've fooled me," Axel purred into his ear with hot breath, unbothered by Roxas's language. He lowered his hand to cup Roxas's hardening member through his pants. Roxas made a surprised noise and griped his wrist but didn't pull it away. "Besides," he continued and Roxas found his eyes drawn back to Axel, "I'm not ether," his piercing green eyes looked over Roxas's features, and the blond felt his entire body burn with anticipation, "but I'll make an exception for you."

The way he said the words caused a shiver to go down his spine and gooseflesh come up on his arms. Roxas struggled with indecision for a moment, knowing he should be pushing Axel away, but when Axel lowered his head and ran his lips along his jaw, Roxas found he was unable to gather any urge to do so.

Of course, deep down, he really didn't want to.

He turned his head, nudging his lips against Axel's. The redhead smirked a little before capturing Roxas's bottom lip with his teeth. Roxas parted his lips, licking the other's teeth and upper lip in response. With a deep groan, Axel repositioned them against the tree, moving his hand to Roxas's hips before deepening the kiss. This kiss was vastly different than the last one. This one was slow and luxurious and made the heat simmer rather than boil over like before. He lifted his hands, tangling them in the red locks and pulled him closer, pressing against him. Axel was encouraged by this and pressed Roxas back against the tree a bit harder.

Roxas breathed a groan as he pressed his tongue against Axel's as they tasted and probed each other's mouths. He tilted his head, wanting to deepen the encounter, but was content with the unhurried and sensual pace. They continued like this for a long time but when Axel made a motion to pull open Roxas's coat Roxas pulled back.

"Not here," he breathed, licking his swollen lips. In a moment of sanity, he remembered where they were. People walked this path all the time and anyone could walk up on them. "Somewhere else?" he suggested. Axel nodded in understanding before grabbing his hand and pulled him deeper into the woods.

He swallowed the lump in his throat, his face hot against the cool air, as he allowed himself to be led by the redhead. It was unreal, the trees whirling by him with each step he made. He had lost his will to fight against it, even though he knew he should, but he wanted this, he wanted Axel, and whatever the repercussions were, he would deal with them later.

He had never been more fascinated and enthralled in his life. The physical attraction he was feeling was almost overwhelming. He wanted to ask Axel if he felt the same but kept his mouth shut, not trusting his voice to ask such a stupid question.

The woods were growing darker, the moon the only light. Though Roxas should know this area reasonably well, it was unfamiliar at night; however, Axel seemed to know his way without the need of light. After a few minutes of walking, they reached a clearing where four large boulders stuck out of the ground like giant tables, height varying from knee to chest high. Fall had already littered them with dead leaves, but their white-grey surfaces were still visible underneath.

Roxas could remember coming here on trips in elementary school. When they were younger, it was always such a big deal and treat to get to hike the short distance from the school, usually with a packed lunch or a school book to have an outdoor class. He could remember that he, Hayner, Pence, and Olette had carved their names into one of the stones. If he were inclined to look, it might have even still been there.

Axel immediately pushed him to one of the shorter rocks in the center that had fewer leaves. Roxas let himself fall back and wanted to say something, anything, but Axel didn't give him time to speak. His lips instantly claimed his, engaging him in a deep kiss which Roxas eagerly responded too. He allowed himself be push down on the cold rock by the firm hand on his shoulder. He was able to feel the cool surface thorough his jacket and he found himself shivering, but it wasn't from the cold. Roxas let out a gasp as Axel positioned himself over him so that their crotches pressed hard against each other. Unable to help himself, he pressed back, rubbing against Axel, both of them letting out a throaty moan.

Oh, yes. That felt good.

He reached up, pulling Axel down to press their lips together again. Their tongues sought each other, sliding and licking. He let himself drown in the feeling, enjoying each motion Axel made with his tongue and his hands, hands that were pushing up his shirt. The feel of Axel's cool slender fingers on his skin made him shiver in something raw and unbridled. It felt so good, immersing himself in the pleasure of just letting his hormones control him. It was perpetually mesmerizing to Roxas how their bodies responded to each other. He had never considered being with anyone like this, much less a guy, so he didn't know what he was doing, but it didn't matter as long as Axel kept kissing him.

* * *

AAAAND Cut. MA material from here on. If you wish to read more please go to my AFF or LiveJournal (spinestalker at livejournal post 3372), links available on my profile.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** End of Summer  
**Author:** Slytherinette  
**Disclaimer:**I don't own Kingdom Hearts , but I wish I did.  
**Rating:** M – NC 17  
**Warnings:** Gayness, probably drug use, language, a serious story, and sexual situations  
**Summary:** He never knew how lost he was until he let Axel lead. AU AkuRoku

Thanks to Yakkai-the-inu and AuronsFan for the betaing!

**CHAPTER 4**

Roxas downed his second gulp of soda; the carbonation burned his raw throat but the sharp lemony-lime flavor was soothing on his tongue. He could no longer taste Axel anymore, something he was grateful for, but the memory of Axel's lips on his, his tongue against his, his…

He shook his head, trying to force away the thoughts as he focused every single ounce of his attention on putting the glass in the sink, rinsing it off, then completely washing it before drying it with a towel and putting it away. Roxas had to use every ounce of his will power to keep his thoughts from drifting back to the woods, the rock, to Axel. He felt empty, guilty, and yet still physically and sexually sedated.

Roxas lifted his hands, pushing them though his tousled hair before rubbing them over his face as though it would scrub away the memory of hot breath and kisses and nips. The smell of Axel still lingered though, and the feel of Axel in his hand wrapped around him.

He'd said that he wasn't going to tell anyone, when Roxas had braved to ask him as he was pulling on his shirt again; he said he wasn't interested in being gay, or a fag, as Axel had termed it. It was just a good time and that, in not so many words, it wouldn't happen again. It was a relief, to be sure, but not as comforting as he would have liked. Remembering what he had said only made him feel even more empty and numb from the distinct feeling of being used. He could kick himself for letting himself get into this mess, and even more for not regretting it as much as he should have, but right now he was too exhausted to think about it, too exhausted to worry.

He looked at the clock and sighed, depressed at seeing it was only eleven. He had only left the game an hour and a half ago. Heavily, he pushed away from the counter and headed through the kitchen. He flipped off the light then moved through the living room but stopped when the couch came into full view.

His mother was lying there asleep, still in the clothes she had left for work that morning, though they were much more rumpled and twisted. He gave a disappointed look at the coffee table, littered with empty bottles of random types of alcohol and an ashtray full of cigarettes. He felt a mixture frustration and anger well up. He wanted to go upstairs, take a shower and sleep, not deal with this. Where did she get the money for it anyways? Oh, wait – it was Friday, pay day. He felt his stomach drop as he realized there was a good chance she had blown half her paycheck on pickling her liver. Hopefully she remembered that the water and electric bill were due next week and that they didn't have any food in the kitchen.

He ran his hands over his face again and, not for the first time that night, wished he hadn't went to the game. Usually, if he could catch her before she blew her paycheck and get the bill money to set it aside.

He shook his head, deciding he would have to figure it out later. He looked at her sleeping face, a mass of light blond hair obscuring most of it, and frowned, moving to the couch. At least, he thought, she passed out at home and not some bar on the mainland or some freak's house.

He gently shook her shoulder then pushed the hair out of her face. Her usually pretty face looked twisted into something revolting, her mouth drawn in an ugly grimace in her uncontrolled stupor.

"Mom?" He said softly, "Wake up. You can't sleep on the couch." She didn't respond at first, but a bit more prodding finally got her to groan in displeasure and shake her head.

"Mmm, what is it, baby?" She responded in a hoarse voice, her blue eyes finally blinking open to look at him.

"You can't sleep on the couch," he repeated, "Come on, I'll help you get to your bed."

She looked at him as though she were trying to decipher some kind of code in his words before she yawned and let out a "kay" and struggled to push herself up. She stretched and yawned and Roxas winced from the fowl breath. She leaned forward, reaching for a mostly empty bottle of vodka, but Roxas smoothly pulled it from her grasp.

"No, no, I think you have had enough." She made a motion to violently reach for it but started to sway and fall to the floor. Roxas grabbed her, wrapping an arm around her waist and her arm around his neck. She got the idea and put all her weight against him, wrapping both arms round his neck flaccidly, her legs doing little to support her.

"Did you take your pills?" he asked, and she made a sound that sounded like an affirmative, but when he tried to step forward and she nearly fell when she got tangled up in her limp legs, he took that as a pretty good sign she had, and probably more then she should have. "Mom, you know better than to drink and take those pills." Nevertheless, telling her this now was pointless. Instead of wasting energy on reprimanding her, he helped her to her bedroom. Fortunately, she was small, far smaller than was healthy, so once he cleared the coffee table and the couch supporting her the 10 feet to her bedroom door had been easy enough. He carefully let her fall to the bed and turned to grab a pill bottle on the bedside table. He opened it, pouring the contents into his hand and counted. There were only 10, five less then there were yesterday and 20 less then earlier that week. He shook his head and recapped the bottle, but didn't replace it on the table. Instead, he pocketed it, intending to put her on an allowance. She always thought one pill made her feel good, so five would make her feel really good.

Another guilty pang gnawed though his stomach and he again wished he hadn't gone to the game. He should have been here to somehow control this.

She started to fight with her clothes on the bed, wreathing and tugging at her pants. "Hel'me," she muttered. Roxas grabbed one of her pant legs and pulled, helping her get free of the constricting garment. He averted his eyes when she started to pull at her shit, going to grab something for her to sleep in. An old t-shirt was fished out of a drawer and when he turned, he found his mother twisted in her bra from where she had tried, unsuccessfully, to pull it off. He could have cried in frustration when he was forced to help her get untangled to pull it off and put on the clean shirt. This wasn't the first time his mother had been too drunk to undress herself and it wasn't the first time Roxas had been forced to help her. At first, it had made him queasy and uncomfortable, but he eventually had gotten used to it. It was almost a weekly occurrence, now, and had been since Sora left for college. Over time Roxas had just became grateful it was him trying to help his mother get undressed rather then some sick-o wanting to grope a fill from an inebriated woman.

After getting her in bed, covered up, she sat back up and started to fumble about the bedside table for something. For a moment, he was worried she would notice the missing bottle that now rested safely in his jeans pocket. If he had to try to explain to her why she couldn't have them now she would throw a fit.

"Cigarettes, baby... can you go get them for me?"

"Yeah, just lay down and I'll get them for you," he lied, knowing that if she would stay still for any period of time she would fall asleep. She settled back down, reaching up to pat Roxas on the head like he were a small child, but missed and had to settle for his arm.

"You're such a good boy, Roxie." She muttered, already starting to drift asleep. Roxas didn't comment as the memories of things he was doing with another boy not even a full hour ago filtered through his head. He knew that if she knew, she wouldn't think that anymore. Guilt ate at his stomach and it started to make him sick. He resisted the urge to throw up and started for the door.

"Goodnight mom." When there was no reply, he flipped off the light and closed the door.

Things hadn't always been like this, Roxas remembered as he picked up the bottles that littered the coffee table and took them to the kitchen to throw away. Things had been happy once. He and Sora had played in the back yard with Blackie, their black lab, so aptly named by Sora when he was just learning his colors by name. Their mother sat on the porch, her sweet face alight with mirth, their father's robust laughter warming them all, no matter how cold it was. Now the only proof of such happy times were pictures collecting dust on the fireplace mantle and a tree growing in the back yard that had BLACKIE scarred into the bark.

It was well past midnight when he finally managed to start up the steps to the second floor, physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted. He headed to the bathroom, pulling off his clothes and starting the shower. It wasn't until he caught a glance on himself in the mirror that he remembered he still had quite a bit of proof of what he and Axel had done on his neck. It was still very dark and purple on his neck and looked far worse now that he was in the light. He rubbed it regretfully then turned away, concentrating on his shower.

He did his best to keep his mind blank, not thinking of his mother, or Axel, though both topics filtered in and out of his mind, mixing and generally confusing him further. What was he going to do if she spent all the bill money? What would he do if Axel told anyone? What was he going to say to his mother in the morning about the pills? How would he face his friends after what happened? Did he have a shirt that would cover his neck? They usually met somewhere on Saturdays, maybe he could get out of it.

He shook his head, concentrating on washing himself as though he could wash the thoughts and sins of the day away. Though the dirt and grim came clean his thoughts only seemed to double. By the time he finished and stepped out of the shower, he hardly felt any better. He wrapped a towel around his waist, grabbed his dirty clothes, taking out the bottle of pills then headed to his bedroom. He stashed the bottle in the top of his closet before he pulled on something clean to sleep in then crawled gratefully into his bed.

He closed his eyes, forcing his mind to empty, wanting nothing more then to sleep so he could hurry up and place time between himself and now. He willed sleep to come but as was usual sleep was unwilling to crawl into bed with him, even more so now that he had so much on his mind. Lying there alone with his thoughts, the memories Axel had implanted into his mind seemed to become more and more vivid. The feeling of Axel kissing him, touching him, rubbing against him…

He turned his head, rolling over and tried to all but hide in his covers.

_Don't get me wrong,_ his voice still echoed in Roxas's mind, _it was fun, but I'm not a fag and I'm not interested in taking up the lifestyle._

The words were more painful than Roxas would have liked. They made the empty and used feeling double, making him slightly nauseous. He would give anything to start the night over and tell his friends that he couldn't go to the game. He wanted to will the memories into a void and forget them. His mother had a way with selective memory; he only wished he did too.

But he could still remember well what it felt like to have Axel's hand wrapped around him, stroking, pressing his own arousal against his and rubbing, and the mixture of memories seemed to make him even more ill.

He tried to push the thoughts out of his head, disgusted with the way his body was reacting. Axel was stupid. Sure, he was attractive, but he was a jerk, not to mention a guy and Roxas an idiot for even thinking about him.

He forced his thoughts to Naminé. He should be thinking about her, doing those things with her. She had a strange resemblance to his mother with her blue eyes and light blonde hair. She, however, had a wide eyed innocent look about her. She had looked cute in her skirt tonight, albeit cold. He focused on her pretty face. He could see it clearly, her pink lips and pale skin. He could picture himself kissing her, running his hand up her shirt, touching her breast. It would be soft and warm….

Then the image of his mother's naked breast came to his mind and he felt his lip curl in revulsion. He shook his head, rolling over again, violently twisting in the covers.

What about Olette? Olette was pretty, sweet, perky. She had filled out over the years, as Hayner had more then once pointed out to him and Pence. Would her kisses be like Axel's? Axel's lips had been hard and demanding, but Olette, he imagined, would be soft and supple. Her hand would be smaller then Axel's, maybe warmer, her stomach softer. She always smelled clean and fruity, her hair silky.

He nurtured those thoughts for a moment but the mental image became flat, like he was trying to watch a movie he had no interest in. It was difficult to put himself in the picture and for some reason he kept imagining Hayner instead.

Hayner… It was taboo, probably even more taboo then thinking about Axel, but it was much easier to imagine doing those things with him then with a girl. He would have to be the instigator, though. He would be the one to press Hayner against a tree, kiss him speechless. He could see himself pressing against him, rubbing, touching. He wandered if Hayner's nipples would be as sensitive as his had been. This series of thought brought back the pleasant throbbing between his legs, and, when he pushed his hands into his boxers, it became harder and harder not to replace Hayner's face with Axel's

Axel…

Axel…

Axel.

He griped himself, almost too hard, then jerked his hand out of his boxers guiltily, refusing to finish himself. He would not think about Axel. He rolled over, careful to not rest against his erection, and closed his eyes. It was a long time before he finally fell asleep

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It felt like he had hardly been asleep when the phone rang the next morning, its shrill running jarring Roxas forcefully awake. He opened his eye and glared at the offending contraption next to his bed before reaching over to grab it.

"'lo?"

"Hey, did I wake you?" came a familiar cheerful voice on the other end. Roxas sat up instantly, wide wake.

"Sora!"

"Hey, Roxie, What's up? It's unusual for you to sleep so late." Roxas looked at the clock and winced at the digits that informed him it was already eleven.

"Yeah, I didn't get to bed till late last night." His voice came out a hoarse rumble and he winced at the pain it caused his throat.

"Wow, you sound horrible? Are you sick?"

Roxas cleared his throat before he replied, his voice a bit clearer. "Ah, no, I was just at the football game last night and the cold air made my throat raw." His mind went to the rock and Axel and the heavy panting that no doubt hadn't helped it.

"Oh, well, drink some warm honey tea and rest your voice. How was the game?"

"We were losing when I left. I left a bit early though."

"Ahh, yeah, well, they haven't realty won a game since Tidus…" There was a pause and in Roxas's mind's eye, he could see his brother getting a sad look on his face, biting his lip. Sora recovered quickly though. "Did his brother join the team?"

Roxas had to blink, a little caught off guard with the question, and had to remember who Tidus's brother was. "Oh. You mean Seifer? Yeah, he was second string Quarterback I think." It was hard to link Seifer with Tidus by even a stretch. Tidus had been friendly and likeable, with a good natured and infectious laugh. Seifer was, well, not. He used to beat Hayner up because he may or may not have looked at him.

"That's cool. Maybe if they let him play they would stand a chance at breaking the so called curse or whatever, huh?"

"Yeah, maybe." He didn't really know why Sora suddenly felt the urge to talk to about Seifer of all people. No doubt, Tidus was heavy on his mind. Two years seemed to do little to dull Sora's grief.

"So," Sora said, breaking the silence, "how is everyone?"

"Good," he replied, not sure what else to say about them, or even who everyone was. "Hayner turned into a lecherous old man in his early teens. He spent the whole football game gawking at the cheerleaders." Sora laughed and it was a pleasant sound to his ears. "And Selphie said 'hi.'" She really hadn't but Roxas felt the need to mention her. Hearing about an old friend would be nice for Sora. He had been right.

"Ahh, I so need to call her, see how she and everyone else are doing. Do you know if she has talked to Wakka?"

"Um, no… I don't know." Though he would try and make a point to ask her when he saw her again.

"And… how's mom?" This was a loaded question. Sora wanted Roxas to tell him how she was doing, or rather how bad she was doing. Fact was everything concerning her had gotten worse since Sora left for school, though Roxas had never told him- not in so many words. He had at first, but the first time his mother had gotten off the phone with Sora in tears he had avoided the subject, or at least avoided telling him the truth.

"She's fine." He wasn't accustomed to lying to Sora, but this lie had been told so much he could tell it like it was the honest to God truth. Sora probably knew this already, but he didn't press it and accepted the answer.

"Sorry I woke you up," he apologized, "I thought you might try and call me later." It was strange how Sora seemed to always be able to just know when Roxas had intended on calling him. "They switched me to all night shifts at work so I'm there from like eleven at night till seven in the morning. I'm actually getting ready to go to sleep."

"Oh." Roxas didn't mean to sound so disappointed, "Well, that sucks. Nightshift I mean."

"Not so bad. It's slow and I can get school work done. Just the freak customers that come in. You can imagine the type of people that drink coffee at three in the morning."

"Yeah." He said, only to reply for replying's sake. He really had no idea what kind of people would drink coffee so late – or early – or why a coffee shop would be so inspired to be open 24 hours a day. Hollow Bastion might as well have been on another planet for as different as it was from Destiny Island.

"So? How are _you_ doing? How's school?"

"I'm good, good. School is… good." There was a silence that fell between the brothers. Roxas had the urge to talk to him about everything that happened the night before. It was unlike him to keep anything from Sora. They had a pretty open relationship about most things, but this was far different from the normal "I failed my math test" and "Hayner is driving me crazy" talk they usually shared. _Last night I made out with another boy, we jacked each other off, I liked it_wasn't a conversation he ever wanted to have with anyone.

"How are you?" Roxas finally said, ending the silence.

"Good, sleepy, but good."

"Oh, well, I'll let you go and get some sleep." He nearly dove at the opportunity to hang up. "I'll call you later or something."

"Yeah, do. If you need anything let me know."

_How about a one way ticket off this island?_

"Okay." He forced a smile, even though Sora couldn't see it or even hear it in his voice.

"I love you. I'll talk to you later." There was something stressing in Sora's voice. Roxas could figure that Sora knew that there was a lot Roxas wasn't talking about.

"I love you too…" Roxas said softly, more to soothe Sora then anything. "Bye." And with that he hung up the phone, not giving Sora any more time to change his mind or prod with more questions Roxas couldn't really answer.

He looked at the white plastic, empty and longing. It was tempting to pick it up, call him back, and spill everything. He wanted to tell Sora what happened, he wanted his opinion, his forgiveness, maybe even for Sora to say, "It's okay, and it's perfectly natural for a boy your age."

He didn't. Instead, Roxas pushed the covers back and got dressed for the day like yesterday didn't happen.

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* * *

Not very happy with how this chapter came out, but I think it got what I needed to convey across. Thank you to EVERYONE for your support and reviews.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** End of Summer  
**Author:** Slytherinette  
**Disclaimer:**I don't own Kingdom Hearts , but I wish I did..  
**Rating:** M – NC 17  
**Warnings:** Gayness, probably drug use, language, a serious story, and sexual situations  
**Summary:** He never knew how lost he was until he let Axel lead. AU AkuRoku

Thanks to Westside for the help with this!

**CHAPTER 5**

Monday came all to fast. He had laid in bed all night, little monsters of dread eating his insides. The alarm had went off an hour ago and by the time he got up he didn't have time to consider breakfast. The idea of food only made the monsters angry. He quickly dressed, pulled on a heavy coat and grabbed his bag.

No matter how many times he replayed Friday in his head he couldn't change what happened. Surely Axel wouldn't tell anyone, he couldn't be that stupid. Even if he did that didn't mean anyone would believe him over Roxas. Roxas had good grades and friends that weren't potheads. With newly planted seeds of determination he left his room to face the world.

He faltered when he found his mother in the kitchen, leaning over a cup of coffee, pouring sugar into it with all the enthusiasm of a drone. It wasn't until late Saturday when she had woken up, he had been an hour away from calling the doctor to come and check on her. Sunday morning she found her pills were missing. She hadn't spoke to him since. He cast a look at the clock. It was already 7:30. If Roxas didn't hurry he was going to be late, his mother already was. .

"You were supposed to be at work half an hour ago." She gave him a look that didn't hide the bitterness.

"I called in late. I have a headache. I'm waiting for it to go away." She spoke in a voice that left no doubts as to who her "headache" was.

"You're dehydrated. Drink some water." She pointedly didn't look at him and just rubbed her temples. He frowned at her but reached into a side pocket of his backpack. He had suspected she might wait for him to leave so she could search his room for the pills so he had already planed to take them to school with him. He hadn't really looked forward to coming home to a trashed house, but the idea of coming home to an overdosed mother was worse.

He kept a close eye on her as he started to open the bottle. Her eyes were trained on his hands. When she lunged, he was ready, jerking the bottle away.

"You can't have them! They're mine!" she screamed in his face, her own becoming purple in anger.

Uncontrollable anger rushed over Roxas. He pushed his face to hers and yelled back. "You can't either! You'll kill yourself!"

She pulled back like she had been slapped and Roxas recoiled, stunned at his own tone. He had never raised his voice to his mother. No matter how angry he got, he never yelled.

For a moment she looked ashamed. "Look, I'm sorry, Roxie, I just... You don't understand. I have to have them. I can't... Doc doesn't give me enough..."

"You have taken 25 in a week. You have 10 more to last you the month."

She paused, a frown coming across her face. "You'll get in trouble if they catch you," she snapped, her tactics changing fast.

"You'll kill yourself if I leave them," he tried to reason but she just shook her head.

"I don't want you to get in trouble... just leave the. I won't take any."

Roxas wanted to believe her but he knew he couldn't Even if she meant it now she would have a hard time resisting when she was alone with them.

Without giving an answer he opened the bottle and took one out. He laid it on the counter pointedly. "That's all. I'll give you another tomorrow." She slammed her hand down on the counter, grabbing the pill and swallowed it dry.

"I hope you go to hell with your father." she spat out, walking back around the counter angrily.

There was a stabbing pain in his chest. It took him a moment to tear his eyes away from her. Her words hurt far more than anything else. He shoved the bottle back into his backpack and made his way outside. As soon as the door pulled too he heard a crash against the door.

"God Damn You!"

Suddenly the urge to cry became overwhelming. He lifted the palms of his hands to his eyes in a battle against the tears. He swallowed, trying to unclench his throat, hoping for relief from the pain in his chest.

Damn it, why did he care? She didn't. Sora didn't. He didn't want to deal with this. He was exhausted and now heartbroken. With the resignation of a man on death row he started the 20 minute walk to school.

The sky was a gloomy gray, a set of foreboding clouds loomed ahead indicating the oncoming storm. He shivered in the cold as the thunder rolled in the distance.

Despite the delay with his mother, the impending rain had made him pick up his pace. He had made it with enough time to spare a stop by his locker to get his history textbook and homework out without being late. The hall, still littered with football game paraphernalia, was thinning out as students filtered into their various classes. He had made it to his locker without passing too many people, none of which gave him a second glance.

"Oh, my God! Roxas," a very sudden and familiar screech of Olette let out. His heart froze in fear before he looked up only to be assaulted by pink. He cringed at the sight, his face showing his repulsion. "Where have you been all weekend?" she demanded, her hands on her hips.

"What the hell are you wearing?"

Olette blushed, looking down at herself. She quickly crossed her arms self consciously. She looked like a pink cat had coughed up a hairball and she had put it on as a shirt. Her skirt was short, too short to be within regulations and was trimmed in the same hideous pink fluff. It was all toped with pigtails held up by fuzz balls. The only normal thing she had on was her white tennis shoes.

"The cheerleading squad made a bet with the football team that they wouldn't win on Friday."

He snorted at the irony of the cheerleading team betting against the very team they were cheering but her words quickly caught up with him.

"They actually won? They were getting beat pretty bad when I left."

Her eyes went wide. "Oh! That's Right! You left!" She shook her head as though it were a shame. "Coach put _Seifer_ in at the top of the fourth. He literally ran the ball into the end zone 5 times! I never thought I would ever cheer Seifer on but I was screaming so hard I almost lost my voice."

He imagined that was an impressive feat but Roxas really didn't care enough for football or Seifer to muster up anything more than a generic response.

"Cool." He turned back to his lock, spinning it randomly to rest the mechanism inside.

"Oh, anyways," She burst out. "Before you go to class I need talk to you." The seriousness of her tone made him look up. The look on her face indicated that, whatever it was, it needed his full attention.

She knew.

"I've been trying to call you all weekend, where have you been?" He had heard the phone ring but dread had made him turn the ringer off at first. He had forgotten to turn them back on. "Whatever, look" She continued. "I haven't really been commenting on it since I need confirmation. What happened Friday after you left the game?"

His heart stopped in his chest and for a moment he thought he might pass out. If Olette noticed, she didn't respond.

"What do you mean?"

"After the game, did something happen?"

_Deny, Roxas, deny!_

"I went home."

The look Olette gave him was a cross between disappointment and irritation. "Nothing happened between you and Naminé?"

Roxas let out a bark of air, "Naminé?" She nodded and he could feel his entire body turn to jelly. "No, no, nothing with Naminé." He looked back at his lock, spinning it idly for distraction. His heart was catching back up with the lost beats and if he weren't gripping the lock his hand would be shaking.

She didn't know.

"Well," she explained, "she left just after you did and someone staid they saw you two together. I couldn't get any answers! She was gone all weekend, you weren't answering the phone. I didn't know what to think."

They thought he was with Naminé! He resisted the urge to laugh but a few chuckles escaped. It wasn't at all funny but he felt light laughing.

"Are you okay?"

He nodded, laughing a bit to himself. She just let out a dramatized sigh.

"Roxas, this isn't funny. Naminé really likes you. I know you are shy but if you don't get on the ball she isn't gonna wait for ever! You guys would be so cute together, like totally soul mates."

He bit back a groan. "Olette… I don't think…" he tried to argue but before he could finish the warning bell rang.

"Crap, got to get to class." She started backwards down the hall, still yelling out to him. "Don't forget to write me, you owe me one from Friday!" And with that she was around the corner leaving pink fluff in her wake and Roxas with another failed attempt at explaining how he really felt.

He rolled his eyes. He didn't understand girls and notes. It seemed as soon as they had entered high school Olette had become a postal carrier between classes, passing out notes to everyone she knew. Roxas had gotten 4 from her last week, all talking about things Roxas really didn't care about. At first he had replied as best he could, but it was always a short note at the bottom of her long and thoughtful novel about whatever was on her mind. He had learned quickly that was a no-no. She had taken great offence, so Roxas usually addressed whatever during lunch. Fortunately she got so many notes from so many other friends that she didn't seem to notice Roxas had long ago stopped replying.

Turning back to his lock, he tried the combination again. His history book and history homework were still held captive inside.

He hadn't even made it into the door to the classroom when an equally pink creature approached him from nowhere. This one had her hair done in braids, but was just as furry as Olette.

"Oh my God, Roxas! Are you dating Naminé?"

He knew he should know her name, she had been in his 8th grade class, but that was as far as his memory of her went. For the life of him he couldn't even fathom why she would care, but her brown eyes were wide as though the information Roxas was about to dish out was more vital than the cure to cancer.

"No."

"Aw, you two would be so cute together. Don't worry, you will warm up!"

He gave her a bit of an annoyed look as he passed by her to make his way to his desk. "Thanks, I think."

As soon as plopped down in his seat the boy assigned to sit in front of him turned to him.

"Hey you, let me copy your homework."

Roxas ducked his head, "I left my book at school and didn't get to do it this weekend," he lied. While he had left his book at school, he had finished his homework on Friday. He couldn't stop the sneer that the other boy seemed to miss as he turned away with a "fuck, man." As much as he looked at Roxas' tests and homework, you would think he would at least know his name as something other that "hey you."

He was a football player, made obvious by his broad shoulders and thick arms and, arguably, low IQ. Since the first day of 5th grade he had deemed Roxas a "geek" and thus repeatedly tried to copy from him. More than once Roxas had let himself bomb tests when he knew the other boy was copying from him. What pissed Roxas off the most was that, in 4 years, some teacher somewhere had to have noticed. There was no way that two students that sat side by side could have both made a 20 with the same wrong answers. It was only made worse by the fact he still continued to copy from HIM. He had started telling him he hadn't done his homework and just slipped it into the pile as it was passed up.

The girl next to him plopped down in her chair in a flourish and instantly leaned towards Roxas, her eyes as wide as the last. She was less pink but fuzz on her shirt indicated exposure.

"So, are you and Naminé really dating?"

The boy in front of him heard this and turned around to nose in.

"You're bangin' Nami?"

Roxas was momentarily stunned by the instant association he made with _dating_ and _bangin_.

"No!"

"But you like her, right? God, she has such a crush on you!" The girl gushed, almost as if she didn't understand why. To her, Roxas was sub-standard.

"Man, she is hot," the guy nodded his approval to himself before turning away.

Roxas leaned back in his desk, not really caring what they thought, but the girl cared enough about what she thought for the both of them and tried to continue.

"You know, you would be a lot cuter is you didn't dress like that. You're nice and all but nice clothes can go a long ways. You should take Olette shopping with you." Her tone was condescending, as though she were the authority.

Roxas looked at his clothes self consciously. He was wearing what he always wore; only today he had a flannel over shirt on. It had been the only thing he had been able to find that would cover the still noticeable hicky on his neck. Feeling much smaller her sank into his seat as the teacher called the class's attention.

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"…can only divide a ratio of polynomials when the degree of the numerator is greater or equal to…."

Roxas stared at his book blankly, the teacher's words unheard. He had no idea often he passed Axel in the hall until now. Axel's first period was across from Roxas's. He had left his class just as Axel was leaving his own, a blue and red government book in hand. He was talking to Demyx and didn't notice Roxas. He then had to pass Axel's locker to get to his own, which was only about 15 lockers apart.

He ran his hand though his hair, Axel and subsequent thoughts about Friday night invaded his head. It had been easy enough to push the thoughts to the back of his mind when he was at home. Issues with his mother had dominated his thought process all weekend leaving little time to think about anything else, but now he was at school, seeing Axel…

He closed his eyes, a warm tingling sensation building up between his legs.

No, not here, he demanded of his body. He would not think about how good it felt while sitting in class!

He forced his eyes on the teacher, listening to her go on about polynomials.

"Roxas, why don't you come up and show us the first step?"

He didn't move for a long moment, looking at the teacher, eyes wide from the sudden attention. She tilted her head at him. "Are you okay?"

He flushed and nodded, sliding out of his seat. He hazarded a glance down to make sure is issue wasn't showing and when he was confident he wasn't hard enough for it to be noticeable he moved to the front of the class to take the marker from the teacher. He had only a moment to look the problem over before he wrote down what he hoped was the correct step.

"Good job." The teachers praised, taking the marker back. "Who wants to do the next one?"

"May I use the restroom?" he asked quietly. Though his issue had subsided he still felt hot and wanted to get out of the class room. Thankfully the teacher didn't question him and only nodded and handed him a wooden hall pass from her desk. Roxas thanked her before slipping into the cool hall and down to the restrooms. He needed a moment to cool his thoughts from Axel before continuing with class.

He was greeted by smoke the second he stepped into the restroom, and the one person he did not want to see.

Axel wasn't even hiding the fact he was doing something illegal. He was lounging on the counter, legs stretched out over the sink. He looked at Roxas, unconcerned with getting caught.

"Roxie! Come for round two?"

Roxas blushed before he set his expression into a scowl.

"You're going to get into trouble, one day."

"Hmm, I hope so. I could use a suspension right now. Haven't had a good vacation yet this year." He held out his cigarette as an offer. "Want one?"

"No thanks," was all he said. He should leave, he told himself, but his feet didn't move to obey.

"Ahh, I keep forgetting." Axel swung his feet off the counter, moving to Roxas. He reached into a pocket on the side of his leg and pulled out a baggy full of dried green stuff. "Was going to save this for later, but I'm willing to share with you."

Roxas pulled back, surprised. "You brought pot to the school?"

"No... I actually got it here," Axel corrected. "I have been assured this is top grade stuff."

Roxas rolled his eyes and stepped past Axel to the sinks. "No thanks." He said again. He turned on the facet and plunged his hands into the ice cold water for something to distract himself with.

"That's because you have a stick up your ass." Axel replied darkly. Roxas shot him a look before going back to his perch on the counter. "So tell me, what brings you to my office?"

"Um.. It's a bathroom. What do people usually do in bathrooms."

"Jack off?"

Roxas felt his face flush and he lifted his cold hands to his cheeks before he turned off the water. "Does everything you say have to be so crude?"

"No, but it's usually my first response." Axel took a long drag off the butt of his cigarette. "Anyways, people don't usually come to the bathroom in the middle of class to wash their hands. Having girl problems, perhaps?"

"No," he replied honestly. Axel problems, maybe.

"Are you sure? I have been hearing an awful lot about what you and … what was her name, Namani?, were doing after the football game Friday. Girls wouldn't shut up about it in class. Bleh. Was half tempted to tell them you are gayer than a sunny day."

"I'm not gay!" Roxas snapped, turning to him with a fiery expression.

"Whoa, there young one, so defensive. You were pretty happy about playing for the other team on Friday, not that I should really blame you. It was for _me_ after all." He boasted. It only served to fuel Roxas's rage.

"Oh? And I'm the one that made you pin me to a tree. Must be my gay vibes penetrating your brain."

"Hey! I'm an equal opportunist. I was horny and high and you looked so delectable with that whole 'I'm not a fag' fight you were putting up."

"And I'm not! What happened was a stupid mistake." He paused then added "Even if I were, it wouldn't be for you."

Axel pretended to look hurt. "Aw, Roxie, you wound me! And I was gonna share my good stuff with you!"

Roxas rolled his eyes, looking away. He turned do he was leaning against the counter. "Look, it doesn't matter anyways," he said, "It's not going to happen again." Near him Axel shifted so he was closer to Roxas on the counter. There was a shaking of something in a box then something spicy was shoved under his nose.

"Candy?"

Roxas looked at the box of hot cinnamon candy as though it were foreign to his world.

"Come on, not poisoned," Axel popped one in his mouth to prove the point. Roxas didn't respond for a minute before he held out his hand. Axel smirked and poured some into Roxas's stretched out hand, but hardly 10 of the small pieces were released before Axel started to pull it back.

"Hey, don't be so stingy!"

Axel snored and relinquished more generously. "Brat."

"Ass," Roxas responded, putting a few of the candies in his mouth. It was, as the box had declared, spicy sweet cinnamon, a familiar taste.

"You were eating these Friday." He hadn't seen him eating them, but he had tasted it.

"I'm fucking addicted. I ate so many last weekend the inside of my mouth became raw." Axel took a drag from his dwindling cigarette before stubbing it out in the sink.

"They are good," he acknowledged as he put several more in his mouth. "You really didn't tell anyone about Friday?"

Axel snorted. "You think I wanna be ostracized by the _whole_ Island? No thanks. Even I am not _that_ much of an outcast." They fell into a comfortable silence They were bonding over candy. The irony did not escape Roxas. "So," Axel started, "Who is this Na-ma-ni?"

"Naminé:" Roxas corrected, "is a girl who has this crush on me. The whole school is conspiring against me to get us together."

"But you don't like her… because you're gay."

"Goddamn it Axel," he snapped, shooting his a glare.

"Okay, not gay," Axel conceded, raising his hands defensively, "but you don't like this girl. So, tell everyone to fuck off."

"If only it were so easy," he groaned. "They all think they know what I want, but the fact is it's all what _they_ want. I'm fucking sick of it!" He could feel regressed anger building. "I mean, fuck, how many times can someone say 'I really don't like her like that' before people get a clue? I don't like Naminé! She looks like my MOM for God's sake!"

"Ew," Axel winced. "Don't have a hot mom."

"Ugh, Axel, no! It's not that. Would YOU want to make out with someone who looks like your mom?"

Axel's face turned ashen at the thought. "My mom is the mistress of all evil. I haven't even seen her in 4 years." There was a look that came to his face that Roxas almost felt like he could see a raw emotion but it was gone before he could decipher it. "Anyways, wanna get out of here? I'm sick of this place."

Tempting but "No," he pushed away from the sink and moved to the door. "I need to get back to class. Some of us actually _care_ about our grades."

"Spoil sport. Fine, go on back to class. I'll just skip by myself!"

Roxas actually laughed, genuinely laugh. He waved with the hand that didn't have candy in it before pulling the door open. "Have fun."


	6. Chapter 6

**Title:** End of Summer  
**Author:** Slytherinette  
**Disclaimer:**I don't own Kingdom Hearts , but I wish I did..  
**Rating:** NC 17  
**Warnings:** Drug use, language, a serious story, sexual situations and over all delinquency of a minor.  
**Summary:** He never knew how lost he was until he let Axel lead. AU AkuRoku

And to my beloved beta, West Side, you are by far the bestest ever! You go far beyond the line of duty for a beta for this story and I SO appreciate it. I know Roxas does too.

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Roxas had tried not to look; he had studied his hands for a while, picking relentlessly at a cuticle that was curling painfully on his left middle finger. He had even sparked up a conversation with Naminé, whom he had been placed beside by his friends in hopes of whatever they were hoping for, but still he found his eyes drawn across the room.

He had never paid that part of the lunch room much mind. He passed them when he took his tray up, but since he usually sat with his back to them, there was nothing beyond that. A mass of black, unimportant to the crowd currently surrounding him, they were the goths, the uncool kids, the freaks.

And Axel was one of them.

Surrounded by the black of the crowd, his red hair was a stark contrast. It didn't help that he kept fidgeting, standing up before sitting down again, then shifting to sit on a leg before repeating it all over again.

Axel was there, 30 feet away, but he might as well been on the other side of the world.

Roxas bit his lip as he watched Axel interact with his friends. He held the attention of Demyx and a blond girl Roxas didn't recognize. They looked at him with amusement and Axel responded with agitation, clearly irritated with something. He creased his forehead and cocked his mouth in an annoyed scowl in a way that Roxas found almost cute.

He admired Axel's hair. The red spikes looked slicked back, though he knew from experience they were soft. The red was pretty crazy though and Roxas momentarily wondered if it was real. He hadn't really had the time to check on Friday…

He felt his cheeks burn and looked away. Just remembering it made his belly tingle and now was not the place for that. Yesterday he had battled several erections in the middle of his classes leaving the walk home to be painful. He had been force to take an early shower to relieve himself with only the memory of Friday night to bring him to orgasm.

Fighting the urge to look back at Axel, he looked down to his empty tray with a heavy feeling in his stomach. He hadn't eaten any of it, Pence and Hayner had helped themselves, Pence stealing his burger and Hayner his fries. He didn't mind. He actually hadn't eaten lunch since the first day and anytime he tried his stomach would do flip flops. While the food was your typical bland lunch room selection there were always other factors that caused his appetite to be nonexistent till the point he just wasn't hungry at lunch time. As of the last several weeks it was the company his friends kept that killed his hunger. Axel was a major factor but it wasn't the only one that plagued him.

He looked at Hayner to his left felt anger boil. He was happily talking to, of all people, _Seifer_. Apparently he had been among the first to join this little Seifer Fan Club that had started up after Friday's game. Seifer Zanarkand had to be the biggest ego that walked the planet. Hayner, of all people, certainly had no reason to jump his fan wagon just because he helped them win one game. Seifer had tormented Hayner until 7th grade. He had escaped 8th grade only because Seifer had gone to high school. Now he was sitting on the edge of his seat, hanging to every word Seifer tossed his way.

It made him sick to watch. Seifer amused himself with giving only snide remarks to anyone who spoke to him, including Hayner, and the idiots would just laugh at it like it was a joke and keep on. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hit Seifer in the head with something or Hayner.

".. but I did better than I thought I would." Roxas snapped his attention to Naminé. She had been talking to him and he hadn't heard a bit of what she said. He managed to respond with a generic answer.

"Yeah, that's good."

"Olette keeps telling me you're good at math. Maybe you could help me. There's a test on Friday and I don't know if I really understand the material." She was speaking to him much easier than she had in the past, she now didn't constantly look down and blush.

"Um… sure," he said. She was in pre-algebra, it shouldn't be too hard. She lit up.

"Oh, thank you _so_ much, oh, my gosh, Roxas, thank you so much!" she clapped her hands together, genuinely excited.

"Do you wanna try working on some today? After school? In the library?" Her enthusiastic questions followed one another and Roxas nodded. "Cool, I'll meet you there."

She smiled happily and turned to her trey and Roxas felt a jab to his left. He looked over to see Hayner and Olette grinning at him.

"That's so sweet of you," she mouthed, swooning to herself.

He shrugged and looked down. "It's nothing, just helping her with her math." Great, people were getting the wrong idea again.

"Um, anyways," he grabbed his tray and quickly stood up, "I gotta do something before class" and before either of them could say anything, he moved away from the table and crossed the lunch room. After depositing it in the window with the lunch lady loading dishes he heard his name.

"Hey Roxas!" Before he had the chance to even look Axel pounced him, an arm draping over him with enough force to almost cause his knees to buckle. He was shocked for a moment that Axel was even addressing him in public and cast a quick glance at his friends but didn't see them looking.

"I need your assistance," Axel said, steering Roxas towards the door.

"Assistance?" he asked hesitantly, anything Axel needed help with couldn't be good.

"I need to procure some very important commodities from a vertically challenged merchant down the way."

Roxas stopped dead in his tracks and turned to go back to the table he had been sitting at. He saw Olette nudging Hayner and the two looking his way. Axel was relentless, however, and grabbed his wrist, pulling him back.

"Oh, come on!"

"Axel, no." He said firmly. He could hear chairs on the floor pushing back behind him. He lowered his voices to a harsh whisper. "I'm not going to help you _procure_ anything from Grumpy's."

"What's going on?" Roxas turned to Hayner and instantly recognized the hostility in his voice. He no doubt thought Axel was starting something and Hayner's initial reaction to anything was violence. Before he could step between them Axel stepped forward.

"I don't see how thats any of your business, pipsqueak. Now why don't you go and play with your little friends." Axel made a shooing motion with his hand and Roxas saw Hayner tighten his jaw.

"I think I'll make it my business," Hayner declared, puffing out his chest, Roxas saw both of them make fists at their sides. Axel with a good 12 inches taller than Hayner, but Hayner was never one to back down. Demix came behind Axel and Pence and Olette gathered behind Hayner. The crowd was growing with each second as the friends of each party were coming closer... hoping for a good old brawl to break out. The last thing Roxas wanted was to see them beat each other's face in.

"Wait, back off! Both of you." He moved quickly between them, placing a hand on Axel's stomach and the other on Hayner's arm to push them apart. Axel was hesitant but reluctantly took a step back, Hayner didn't relax and stood his ground, his eyes cold on Axel. Roxas turned to Hayner, firmly placing himself between the two. "It's between Axel and me. It's nothing! I can handle it."

Hayner snapped his anger to Roxas. "What the fuck do you have to do with Axel?" Roxas recoiled somewhat. The question caught him off guard and it took him a second to blurt out the first thing that came to mind.

"It's a long story. I'll tell you about it later," he lied. He wouldn't of course but he would say whatever it took to keep Hayner from starting a fight. "Just for now, let it drop."

Hayner tightened his jaw and Roxas thought that for a moment Hayner was considering punching _him_, instead he jerked his arm violently away from his grasp and stormed off in such a huff several people jumped to get out of his way. Roxas looked to Olette with concern. She only returned it with disbelief before she followed Hayner, Pence on her heals.

Disappointed the crowd dispersed, going back to their tables, Demyx and the blonde girl staying behind with Axel. As the others returned, Roxas noticed Seifer hadn't moved and was still eating his French fries with disinterest, though his eyes were on Roxas with a engrossed look on his face, almost as though he hadn't actually ever seen Roxas before. Roxas shot him a hateful look that he didn't even bother to hide and turned back to Axel.

"I would have paid to see you kick the shit out of Hayner…" Demyx was saying, almost giddy with the thought. "I only get to do it every so often."

"Yeah, and then your mom kicks both your asses," the girl replied with a roll of her eyes. Axel snorted at this but turned to Roxas.

"So, you gonna help me or not?"

Roxas sighed. "Yeah, whatever," he said despondently, "Just let's get this over with, so I won't be late for class."

"Ahh, yes. A good student is my little Roxie." Axel threw his arm back over Roxas's shoulders and steered him back towards the door. "See you later guys." He waved over his shoulder. Roxas only barely caught the curious look the girl gave Demyx; Demyx only shrugged in reply.

"I'm not sure about this," Roxas admitted though honestly was enjoying the attention Axel was suddenly giving him.

"Relax. This is a necessity for my sanity. I haven't had a cigarette all fucking day!" Axel steered him to the right as they exited the cafeteria, the bitter cold air already biting at Roxas's cheeks. He was grateful he was wearing his jacket, though he hadn't taken it off all day. The collar covered the still visible mark on his neck. As usual though, Axel didn't have a coat. He couldn't imagine how he had even managed to survive this long on this island without one.

Roxas couldn't help but shake his head. "Demyx smokes. Most of your friends smoke. Why don't you bum one off them?"

"I smoke for taste and they all smoke shitty crap." Axel said, weaving them between where the few buses were parked. On the other side he could already see the weather warn "Grumpy's Convenience Store" sign. "I don't smoke for my heath."

"That's obvious," he snorted loudly and rolled his eyes. "So why don't you get one of your friends to help you?"

"Because," Axel explained, "All the ones that would bother have been banned for stealing cigarettes."

That didn't surprise Roxas. They came into the parking lot and Roxas felt his stomach grow heavy with dread. "So what am I doing?" he asked as they stopped at the corner, just out of sight of the windows.

"Go in there and ask for something that is way behind the counter towards the back of where he's standing so he has to climb off his stepping stool. When he turns his back to you reach up and behind the counter and grab a pack or two of Red Apples," Axel explained knowledgeably. Roxas balked at the sudden realization of Axel's instructions.

"Wait, I'm the one stealing them?"

"I can't go in there," Axel stated as if it were a well known fact. "He caught me a few weeks ago and if I even get within sight of that grouchy little bastard he chases me with a broom." The visual of Grumpy chasing after Axel with a broom made Roxas let out a bark of laughter. "Don't laugh. He's waist high and has a fucking good aim." Roxas only laughed harder because, while the idea of Grumpy hitting him in the genitalia was wince inspiring, for some reason Grumpy chasing Axel around the island with a broom was hilarious. After a moment of laughter and Axel giving him a humorless look he took a deep breath and rolled his head and eyes back.

"Ugh, okay, fine." He held out his hand expectantly. "But you're paying for whatever I'm buying."

Axel blinked then snorted, unimpressed. "You don't actually buy anything; you grab them and run out. That's the point of stealing."

"You retard. Why do you think you get caught?" Axel blinked as though he honestly hadn't thought about that. "Look, the way I see it I am the only one left that hasn't been banned from this place that likes you enough to steal from a short old man." He waved his fingers, indicating he wanted something placed in the palm. "We're gonna do it my way." Axel sighed but relented, reaching back to pull out his wallet.

"You are a brat, you know that."

Banter with Axel came all too easy and he replied without thinking. "I thought you thought that was cute."

Axel scowled at him. "Your cute when you're prissy, not a brat." He said and slapped a 20 munny bill in his hand so hard it made a smack. Roxas only fisted it with a smirk and turned on heel to head to the door.

The bell rang cheerfully and Grumpy acknowledged him with a grunt. The butterflies in Roxas' stomach suddenly remembered what they were doing. Right, so he was about to commit a misdemeanor, no big deal. Knowing Axel was still waiting outside he moved forward, taking a deep breath to steady himself.

"Shouldn't you be in school?" the old man grumbled to Roxas, looking up from a tabloid he was reading. Roxas awkwardly didn't answer. Whether Grumpy was his real name or just a nickname had always been of some debate between him and his friends. He had 6 other brothers and they all had equally debatable names. Grumpy was by far the most unapproachable, but Roxas refused to return to Axel empty handed. He quickly glanced behind the counter for something way out of the way from where Grumpy was standing and in the far back corner of the small area where the cash register was held a small locked glass case.

"I need a pack of condoms."

Grumpy lifted his eyebrow and his eyes grew wide. Roxas saw his oversized nose grow pink and he closed the magazine, accidentally catching part of his chin curtain style beard in it's folds. When he pulled back he accidentally pulled it with him and it fell into the floor. Roxas bit back the smile that was threatening to surface and watched as the short man made his way down the steps of his stool at an agonizingly slow pace. As he fumbled with the book on the floor, Roxas took the chance to look at the cigarette rack above the counter. The Red Apple brand was easy to spot and after checking that Grumpy was making his way to the case and distracted with fumbling for the key, he reached up, grabbing as many packs as he could grab in one hand at the awkward angle he had to reach. He shoved two in his coat pocket.

"What kind?" Roxas looked at Grumpy and when he was satisfied he hadn't been caught he glanced at the selection.

"Blue pack's fine." Testing his luck he reached up and grabbed three more, shoving them in his other pocket. By the time the clerk turned around, Roxas was flattening out the 20 munny bill on the counter. There was a fair amount of guilt as the old man wobbled back up the steps and placed the pack of condoms on the counter, but he took a deep breath, pushing it away. It was for Axel after all.

"4 munny and 47 change," Grumpy said after punching the price into the cash register. Roxas handed over the 20 munny and Grumpy handed him his change. He fisted the cash, shoving it in his jeans pocket before grabbing the box of condoms.

"Thanks," he said as he turned to leave. Grumpy gave a grunt of acknowledgment, but quickly went back to what he had been reading.

The bell rang cheerfully as he left, leaving Roxas feeling suddenly sick to his stomach as the nerves that had been building were released. He let out a puff of air and made his way to where Axel was waiting on him.

Axel looked at him expectantly, pushing away from the wall he was leaning against. "Well?" Roxas shoved the condoms into his hand and Axel lifted an eyebrow. "Are you hinting at something?"

Roxas's face flushed, but he refused to reply. He only pushed his hands in his pockets to pull out the five packs of cigarettes and thrust them at Axel, forcing him to cup his arms to grab them all.

"Holy fuck! Roxas! You're my hero!"

Roxas pushed his hands back into his now empty pockets. "I'm going back to class." He announced and turned to go. Demons of guilt were gnawing at his stomach and being praised by Axel for doing it only made him feel worse.

"Hey, wait..." Axel rushed to both, catch up with him and shove the packs into the various pockets on his pants. "Where is my change?"

"There wasn't any," he stated simply.

"The condoms were only 4 munny." He said, looking at the price sticker on the small blue pack.

"My fees are high."

Axel laughed then threw an arm over his shoulder again. "I believe it."

Roxas found himself smiling and he ducked his head. He didn't say anything, but Axel's attention made him feel light headed and warm.

"So anyways, we are going to this club this Friday for a band Demyx says is the kick ass. Wanna come?"

Roxas looked down, kicking a random rock along the ground idly as they walked. The idea of hanging out with Axel made him a bit giddy, but he only replied with a shrug. "Maybe."

"Ain't heard them myself, but Demyx has pretty good taste in music, been listening to a lot of Grunge lately though." Axel dropped his arm to tap the top of a pack of cigarettes, turning a little in his path to go behind the lunch room. Wordlessly Roxas followed him, the rock he was kicking getting lost in the grass.

"So, why do you hang out with that dipshit anyways?" Axel asked, stopped to lean against the wall. He placed the cigarette stick between his lips and fished for a lighter.

Roxas leaned against the building, his hands nervously behind his back, blunt nails scraping the cold brick. "He's not that bad," he said. He pushed himself idly back and forth from the wall. "Most the time," he added.

"You got a thing for him or something?" Axel asked, lighting up the cigarette.

He jumped at the question. "What? No!" He protested, "It's nothing like that, we have just been friends since 4th grade." He shrugged. "Hayner just… doesn't think first."

"Or at all." Axel snorted, taking a deep drag, "It seems more to me you follow him around like a lost puppy." Roxas watched the smoke curl out from his lips and nose. Axel lifted his cigarette and waved it a little. "You sure I can't entice you?"

Roxas licked his lips in thought. For all the sex appeal he gave off, Axel could have everyone on the island hooked. He had to admit he was a little curious. Smoking wasn't exactly something his friends did.

"If I do, will you stop asking?"

Axel grinned, holding the stick out between two fingers. "Will you?"

"I guess, since you make getting emphysema so cool and all," he teased with a smirk.

"All the cool old people will be in the oxygen room." Axel winked at him and he found his face grow warm. Axel turned the butt towards him and he hesitated, looking at the cigarette apprehensively before back to Axel.

This was a bad idea but... Axel…

He lifted his hand, holding Axel's steady and leaned forward to place his lips to the filter, Axel's cool fingers momentarily brushing his face before and took a deep breath.

He quickly jerked back, coughing, smoke burning his lungs.

"Roxie, you aren't supposed to inhale the first time." Axel laughed, patting his back helpfully. Roxas continued to gasp for oxygen, waving his hand in front of his face. "You'll get used to it." He held the cigarette out as an offer. Roxas frowned at it though took it without protest.

"You're trying to kill me," he concluded out loud.

"Nope, just trying to convert you to the dark side. Us, nobodies, are way cooler to hang out with."

Roxas looked at the cigarette in his hands, frowning. "Coughing up a lung. Real cool."

"They have their uses," Axel dismissed, "Keeps me from bringing guns to school and shit like that." Roxas looked at Axel sharply, momentarily wondering if he was being serious or not before shaking his head and looking back to his hand. He felt awkward holding it with no intention of taking another drag and handed it back to Axel. The redhead took it, leaning his shoulder casually against the wall, watching him with those weird green eyes.

"You know, there are other way to relax that don't end in coughing your lungs out." He found himself shifting nervously against the wall, a bizarre warmth whelming up in his belly.

Axel smirked. "You offering?"

He looked at Axel sharply, frowning deeply at him. "No, you perv! That is not what I meant!"

Axel lifted the cigarette to his lips to take a long thoughtful drag. He exhaled and yet again Roxas found his eyes drawn to Axel's lips, the smoke curling up and into the air.

He licked his lips self consciously. It would take nothing to lean forward and kiss him, press his lips against the other.

And he really really wanted to.

He felt the tingling of arousal between his legs and quickly looked away, his face flushing pink.

What was he thinking? Axel was a guy. Male! That would make him gay. Roxas was not gay.

Right?

"You know," Axel started leaning down a little so that Roxas could feel the heat of his breath. "I'd make an exception for you." Axel moved so that he was standing in front of Roxas, pinning him lightly to the wall. The hand with the cigarette was pushed against the wall next to Roxas's head, the other slipped into his jacket in an intimate motion that seemed to mirror the touches that had driven him crazy on Friday.

"Exception?" he responded, looking at Axel with a look akin to fear. Axel leaned forward, this time his lips close enough to brush the helix of his ear.

"I bet," Axel said, his voice low, sending shivers down his spine, the tingling between his legs increasing, "you would look fucking hot on your knees, those pretty little lips wrapped around my…"

The bell rang and Roxas jumped, jerking his head to look in the direction of corner that lead to the cafeteria entrance. There was the sound of student's filing out and panic overtook him as he realized that anyone could turn that corner and find them here. He pushed Axel away to storm off. He refused to look at Axel. Instead, he focused on one foot in front of the other, trying to not think about the images that Axel had so firmly placed in his mind.

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So I changed Seifer's last name mostly because I added his roll to the story AFTER chapter 2. Thanks to everyone who review, and please, leave me your thoughts! I love hearing them. They really help me get off my lazy ass and write!


	7. Chapter 7

**Title:**End of Summer  
**Author:**Spinestalker FKA Slytherinette  
**Disclaimer:**All Kingdom Hearts characters are used without permission of the copyright holders and no profit was made.  
**Rating:**NC-17  
**Warnings:**Drug use, language, a serious story, sexual situations and over all delinquency of a minor.  
**Summary:**He never knew how lost he was until he let Axel lead. AU Roxas centric AkuRoku

**Chapter 7**

"You didn't have to be such a jerk about it, Roxas," Olette said with a dark frown as she replaced a book in her hand for a book in her locker, pointedly not looking at him. "Yeah, Hayner's pissed off, but I really can't blame him. You totally took Axel's side."

"Hayner was about to start a fight over something that wasn't even anything." He threw his arms in the air then elbowed a locker in a random fit of anger. The sharp pain in his elbow did little to ease his resentment. People shot him sharp looks, he just ignored them. He had expected Hayner not to be too keen to on talking to him after lunch but he had just about had to beg Olette to give him just a few seconds.

She slammed her locker shut so hard Roxas jerked in surprise before turning to him with a dagger sharp glare. "That's not what it looked like to me." Her tone was tart as she started to walk past him. Roxas groaned as rage swelled up and he turned to yell at her back.

"Well, he doesn't have to be such a brat all the time!" She didn't look back as she turned into her classroom and he felt the physical urge to flip her off. He resisted and instead hatefully rolled his eyes and turned to storm down the hall to his last period class.

Roxas spent the most the class period with his jaw locked and a glare drilling a hole into the page he was doodling on, not even pretending to look up and take notes. Half way through a doodle of a rather angry looking tree his name was called.

"Mr. Keyblade, earth to Roxas, are you even listening to what I'm saying?" He looked up at the teacher who was frowning at him over the rim of her glasses, her eyes set sternly on him. He could have lied, he probably should have, but he was so angry when he opened his mouth he didn't.

"No."

The teacher straightened her back, clearly affronted. She was about say something when the some jock type decided to speak up.

"Roxas is ragging, give him a tampon and he'll be fine."

"Heard the thrift store is having a sale, bet he's daydreaming about his next loser outfit," the girl next to him snorted. Most of the class laughed and had Roxas had a gun he would have shot them without hesitation. He griped his pen and honestly considered stabling the girl in the eye.

But he didn't and the teacher called the room to attention, only chastising the two who had spoken out with a "hush that" before turning back to the lesson. When class ended he got up and left, ignoring the teacher who was calling out to him to stay behind. He didn't want to deal with it, he didn't want to deal with her or Hayner or Olette. He left the school without going back to his locker. Homework could fuck off for all he cared.

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And so could the fucking light bill because there was no electricity.

Roxas flipped the switch up and down furiously as though it would miraculously come on. He let out a long sigh and crossed the kitchen to the fridge. He pulled it open and when the light didn't come on he let out a frustrated groan. He wasn't even going to bother checking the breaker, he already knew; the electricity bill didn't get paid.

The elation he had felt with Axel was almost all but forgotten as rage swelled in him. He let the fridge door close and in a moment of childish anger dropped his bag of his shoulder and threw it across the kitchen. It slid across the floor and hit the wall with a thud,

Well, what a great way to end a just peachy day.

He glared at his abused backpack on the floor for a long time before he moved over to pick it up and take it to the living room. He tossed it and his coat on the floor next to the coffee table before plopping down on the couch. He put his feet on the table and stared hatefully into the empty fireplace. He should start one; at least one room could get warm since there was no longer any heat.

He closed his eyes and his mind instantly replayed what the jerks in his last period spat out. Anger welled up and he rubbed his forehead violently as if it could scrub away the thoughts. It didn't work and instead they simmered until they boiled over into a loud groan. He fell over, burrowing his face in the pillow and couch cushion.

No one used to give a shit when Hayner and he had gotten into fights before, now all of a sudden it's everyone's business? Who the hell did they even think they were? And where the hell did Olette get off making it all seem like it was his fault? Hayner had been all ready to jump into a fight over shit he didn't even know what it was about!

He was dimly aware that he wasn't placing the blame on himself or Axel.

But it wasn't their fault. Roxas was more than capable of handling Axel; he didn't need Hayner to start a fight for him.

He adjusted his head on the pillow, curling up on his side to a more comfortable position.

Then there was Axel, ever present in the back of his mind, waiting for the opportunity to take over his thought progression. Arrogant and demanding, Axel was every once a jerk but he was a jerk that made Roxas's stomach flutter. He closed his eyes tightly, images of the older boy flashing behind his eyelids.

"…_on your knees, those pretty little lips wrapped around my…"_

He shook his head, trying to force the image away that the memory of his words incited. The familiar tingling between his legs started up as his thoughts prodded him on. Giving a blow job was not something Roxas had ever imagined doing, but now, the thought of being on his knees in front of Axel with Axel's penis in his mouth. He groaned, scrubbing his head roughly with his hands, but the swelling in his paints didn't cease as memories from Friday drifted back. Axel had been hard in his hand, the warm flesh excited because of Roxas.

Then Hayner's voice interrupted the vision, his angry hard tone like cold water.

_"What the fuck do you have to do with Axel?"_

Stupid fucking Hayner. Why couldn't he have just left Axel to him? Roxas could handle Axel. Instead he had to stand up and act all macho and try and start a fight.

His mind went back to Axel, his smooth voice. Roxas felt his face flush as if he could still feel the warm breath breathe over his skin.

_"I'd make an exception for you."_

Roxas had STOLEN for Axel. What on earth had possessed Roxas that made him think stealing was suddenly okay because it was for Axel? He could have been caught! What if Grumpy noticed the missing cigarettes after he left and he knew it was Roxas?

"_Holy fuck! Roxas! You're my hero!"_

_"I'd make an exception for you."_

He could see Friday again, pressed against the tree, Axel's tongue on his neck. He could have done something different. He shouldn't have pushed him away the first time. Kept kissing him, rubbing. He could have initiated the touching. Got on his knees and given Axel that blowjob he wanted. He wondered what Axel would have thought about that.

"Get your shoes off the couch." Roxas jumped, startled by the voice. His mother was pulling off her coat. His irritation bubbled back up and he gave her a glare, not moving his feet.

"You didn't pay the electric bill so we don't have any electricity."

She frowned at his accusation. "We don't have any electricity because there is a broken limb down on the line outside. We don't have any phone either. I just got back from calling the Utilities Department from the neighbors."

Roxas instantly felt like an idiot. He hadn't noticed the tree limb on the line. "Sorry, I didn't know."

"I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't jump me as soon as I walk in the goddamn door and get your feet off the couch."

"Sorry." Roxas finally begrudgingly moved his feet as she grabbed his coat on the floor to lay neatly over the back of a chair with her own. She sighed deeply, looking him over. He refused to look at her though, his eyes fixed firmly on the fireplace mantel. Even though he had been the one that was wrong, he couldn't help but feel as if it were still her fault.

"Look... I'm sorry. I'm sorry about Monday, this weekend…"

He crossed his arms, not wanting to talk to her about this. It was always the same thing anyways. "Look, it's whatever. I just hate when you get so fucked up like that." She frowned and gave him a look like she was going to reprimand him for his language but seemed to let it slide.

"I know… and I'm sorry." She sat down next to him, reaching out to take his hand. He let her take it but only stared at his knee blankly. "It's just… I got to thinking about your dad and Sora and… I just. It's easier to drown myself, you know?" It was nothing he hadn't heard before. "I love you… look at me." At first he didn't and she lifted a hand to his chin to turn his face to hers. When his eyes finally met hers she repeated. "I love you."

He paused, even his breath hitched a little, before he finally spoke. "I love you, too." His voice was soft and if anyone else had been in the room they wouldn't have heard it. She smiled though and for a brief second Roxas saw his mother. Her pretty face and clear blue eyes. There were crinkles of age around her mouth and eyes but, in Roxas' opinion, they didn't take anything away.

She leaned forward, pressing her forehead to Roxas's and her arms around his shoulders. "You're all I got, you know that?" He nodded. "I need you, more than I need anything else." He looked down and nodded again.

"Why don't… you try and call Sora?" He hazard to ask. She only shifted, burying her face in his neck.

"He doesn't want anything to do with me," her muffled voice said.

"Why… Why don't you just tell him the truth?" She didn't answer, she never did. He let out a puff of air and suddenly felt irritated at Sora all over again. If Sora had of been there Roxas would have likely jumped down his throat for good measure.

But there was plenty of frustration at his mother. She never spoke of their father's sins so Sora had no reason to know the truth.

Deep down, though, Roxas blamed himself. He had been the one to tell her even though his father made him promise every time to never tell anyone about where they really went together on Sunday. It slipped out when he and his mother were on the mainland shopping for school and he saw the other woman. He had only been 6. He had no idea.

"I'm glad that I have you, Roxie." She smiled around her tearing eyes and he actually felt a pang in his chest. This time it was he that threw his arms around her in a heartfelt hug however it was more for him than her.

"I love you…" he said, no, he insisted into her neck. "I really do, I just... Why do you need that crap at all?" She only stroked his hair and for a long moment he thought she wouldn't answer.

"Maybe when you are older you'll understand."

Roxas jerked back, scowl in place. "I'm 14. I'm almost 15!" She lifted her eyebrow.

"You're hardly halfway though with 14." At his continued scowl she laughed. "Don't be so quick to grow up on me." Exasperated at his mother inarguable logic he rolled his eyes and let himself fall back onto the couch. "Why don't you get a fire going."

"Because I didn't want to." He put his feet back on the coffee table only to have his knees slapped in reprimand.

"That wasn't a question."

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Post orgasmic satisfaction had a way of clearing Roxas' mind as the languor of his body soothed his thoughts. He tossed his semen covered shirt to the general direction of the corner where he put his dirty cloths, making a mental note to do laundry tomorrow but it was quickly forgotten as he took a deep breath and slowly exhaled.

Well, that was fun.

He studied the ceiling with detached interest, the moonlight giving it an unnatural blue glow. He could make out the raised ridges in the stucco, making the random pattern look like waves breaking the agitated surface of the sea.

It was in this surreal yet clarifying moment that he realized he had never been normal. It was a silent understanding and it was something he had always accepted.

He ran his fingers over the smooth skin on his belly idly, feeling the soft hair react to the movement of the touch.

Axel. Roxas had came remembering Axel's words from earlier in that day, visioning being on his knees in front of the other boy. He had touched his own erection as if he could somehow relate how it would feel to have Axel's in his mouth.

This crush on Axel was destructive. It was already wedging a hole between him and his friends and they didn't even know everything. Tomorrow he would have to beg Hayner to talk to him though had no idea what he was actually going to say.

Why couldn't he have gotten involved with someone else? Why did, of all the people in their school, he have to want Axel? Why not Naminé?

There was a moment of paused thought before he sighed into the darkness. He knew the answer but refused to acknowledge it.

What he needed to do was start dating Naminé. He jerked his covers over himself and rolled to his belly, suddenly aggravated with himself. Axel was a weirdo who smoked too much and had a loud mouth. Naminé was soft and pretty and…

He groaned, grabbing a pillow to cover his head as if it would muffle his thoughts.

He was supposed to have tutored her earlier. He had genuinely intended to meet her but he had been in such a rush to get away from everyone he had forgotten all about her. Feeling like a jerk he held the pillow harder to his face in an attempt to hide from his own self hate.

l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l

**Note: **There is absolutely no excuse for my lameness in taking far to long to get this to you. It's been sitting on my computer in a folder all "finish me" and looking pitiful and I have ignored it. At a little less then 2.5k words, it really isn't worth posting for something that has waited so long to come out but for the life of me I can't foresee the next good break in chapters between this and the next part.

This is my humble offering and I beg you forgive me. I'm so grateful for everyone's reviews and I apologize that this has not been looked at for errors, though I did my best. I'm sure I will see plenty of them after post this. Plan on going back and fixing a few stupid errors that I seem to have missed in the other chapters as well as page break screwups. While I would like to tell you that I will have another chapter soon, I will not post it till I have 4k words at the very least.


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